When I was dating my daughter's biological father back in 1999-2000, my grandfather, who was in his late 80s at the time, would not allow my boyfriend into his house because he was a Black man. That was my first personal experience with blatant racism that I can remember. It was very hurtful. I decided that if he was not allowed in my grandparent's house, then I would not go either. When I became pregnant, it hurt even more. Now, my grandfather was not only denying my boyfriend from being included in the family but he was essentially denying my child, his own flesh and blood, from being included, as well. Out of protection for my daughter, I would not step foot into my grandparents' house. It was hard to believe that my grandfather felt this way. Grandma tried to talk to me about it and tried to apologize, knowing it was wrong, but realizing there was nothing she could do to change his mind.
After Harmony was born, something changed. Somehow, after seeing his beautiful great-grandchild, Grandpa felt remorseful about how he had acted. Tearfully, he apologized and said he knew that how he acted had been wrong. I will never forget seeing Grandpa hold my baby girl in his arms and the joyful look on his face!
It meant a lot that a man his age was able to change his mindset. I told him that I forgave him- and I truly did. Not too long after that, he passed away.
Racism is so ugly and painful. When we have loved ones with racist beliefs, it's difficult to accept that reality. We wish they didn't think that way and we never want to label them as racist. However, it's important to call it what it is and call out the elephant in the middle of the room. Acknowledging racism is the only way to truly fight it. Could you imagine if an oncologist refused to accept a diagnosis of cancer for her patient? The patient could die because of her refusal to acknowledge the truth. What do you think happens to others when we deny the pain they experience? The pain that some of us cause?
I am so thankful that Grandpa's eyes were opened before he died. I wish he could have seen things differently throughout his life. I am not saying that he was a terrible person. He was a very funny and kind person to me as a kid growing up. I spent many hours playing card games with him, watching the Young and the Restless with him and Grandma, and laughing about funny jokes. This character flaw that he had did not make him a bad person overall. We all have good character traits and bad ones, right? Our flaws do not define us. I just wish he could have experienced the richness and fullness of life that happens when we love all people, not just those that look like us. He missed out on so much because of his inaccurate beliefs about people.
I felt compelled to tell this story because maybe there is someone out there that does not realize what they are missing out on in life by limiting themselves in this way. Maybe you have chosen to not get close to anyone outside of those that physically look like you. If you are choosing not to spend time with someone specifically because of the color of his or her skin, you are missing out on so much and you may not even realize it. I would encourage you to step outside of that fear and work at creating friendships with people of all racial and ethnic backgrounds. We have a limited amount of time on Earth to love others as God wants us to. True love looks like this. It doesn't stay locked in a particular looking box that we build up around ourselves. My hope and prayer is that you step outside of that box and truly experience life the way that God intended for us.
