I have made some really dumb choices in my life. Most of my biggest mistakes have involved my love life. I once dated this guy named Frank. Ok, I've never truly dated a guy named "Frank", but for the sake of this life lesson I'm about to share, and for the sake of the real guy's life- to avoid having my biker family members hunt him down after this- I've given him a new name.
Frank was a charmer at first. He had a huge smile and he seemed to be very interested in the person that I was. He was also interested in being a daddy, it seemed. He was a wild land firefighter (fighting forest fires only) and he seemed to know a lot of people that lived in my hometown. So, for this single momma, at the time, he seemed like a real catch.
Pretty soon after starting to date this guy, I realized he had a bit of a lying problem. He would lie about stupid little things that I couldn't really pin point what exactly the lie was. I just knew that he had told a lie. He lied about his family, about money; really about anything he wanted to. It took me a little while to realize that he was a liar so I gave him a chance at first. However, a real doozy of a lie hit one time that I just could not shake.
One day I was working hard on a paper at my apartment. I was a mom, a full time student and I worked full time at the Boys & Girls Club at the time as well. I was taking 21 credits that term, and for those of you that have taken college classes, you know that is a very full load; especially considering the other obligations in my life. So, I was working on a paper and I was stressing about finishing it. I don't know what started it, but he decided to make fun of me for stressing out. That upset me because this man had no idea how hard I was working in life in general. During the argument, he told me that when he attended the University of Oregon, he took 70 credits per term. Really?! This was a lie that I could not let go. I argued with him about the impossibility of such a thing and he maintained his lie. I told him that I wanted to see his transcripts and his diploma and he said he would show me "sometime." A few days later, Frank "accidently" left a fake diploma out for me to find. It almost makes me laugh thinking about it, because it is just so crazy.
It was not long after that argument and after finding the "diploma" that I decided to officially investigate the situation. Every hurt woman knows how to become a private investigator. I had already earned my PI wings after dealing with Harmony's dad- but that's another blog entry. I called the U of O's registrar's office. Thankfully a woman answered the line, so I could speak with her "woman to woman." I explained that I needed to verify whether my boyfriend attended there. At first, she said that she couldn't tell me due to privacy issues. I explained my situation and that I needed to verify whether he was lying. She then told me that he had never attended that school.
I confronted Frank about this shortly thereafter. It was also around the same time that I realized he had stolen about $400 dollars from my bank account to pay for his cell phone. Can you believe that? Stealing money from a broke, single mother who is working her butt off to make a better life for herself and her child? It blows my mind as I sit here and think about it. Anyway, I confronted him about both issues and he became so angry that he took the Christmas presents from under the tree that he had bought Harmony and I and left me. He tried to pick me up and acted like he was going to throw me, and that is the closest I've come to a man trying to physically hurt me like that. Thankfully, he changed his mind and set me down. That is when he took the presents and left. Of course, about a month later, Frank decided he wanted me back and he begged me to let him back into my life. Thankfully, I was at least wise enough to not agree to that and he eventually stopped and moved back to California (I believe). I truly believe the man is sitting in a prison somewhere, as we speak.
I'm thankful that I got away from Frank and that I eventually found a great man that I married. I just wish I would have stopped dating Frank the minute I knew he was a liar. If my story can help one of my friends out there that is dating a liar, that is what I want to do, and that is why I shared this experience. If a man is lying about little things, then he is lying about much bigger, life altering things. Who has time for that?? Life is too precious and too short to spend any time with a liar.
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