My Breakup Letter to the Church

Disclaimer: I know a lot of wonderful people that go to church regularly and are even in leadership positions, who I would never want to hurt by any statements I make. This letter is a general statement on how I feel about “the church” right now, due to recent events, which is not a specific attack on any specific building or congregation.  The pastors that I personally know are very kind, caring people and truly want to make a positive difference.  

Maybe this resonates with you?  I wonder if I’m alone in these thoughts- but don’t believe that I am.  I hope that this piece is helpful to you- as that is why I share anything that I write. 

The bottom line for me is that we are all called to live like Christ- We are all called to love our neighbors as ourselves, give whenever asked (and even when not), and to read and follow God’s word.  Being a member of one church is not what we have been called to, though it gives comfort and a sense of purpose to many, which I acknowledge.  I realize this may be controversial to some, so hopefully you can hear my heart.  I just want better for us all. I want to be able to experience God’s kingdom on earth, which has been his plan for us all along- only if we allow it to happen.  My prayer for myself is that I can find a community again of believers that truly love the world like Jesus did, love their neighbors as themselves (you know, that conveniently forgotten commandment), and who boldly and compassionately stand for justice and mercy.

Dear Church,

It breaks my heart to write this.  I’ve spent my whole life loving you, but it is time to move on. I’ve given so much of my time in various capacities, teaching kids church, setting and cleaning up events, volunteering my time to teach adult classes. Valuable time that I could have spent with my own children or husband that I can never get back.  I’ve been the first to show up to help and the last to leave after an event or service.  I have even felt the sting of judgment from others when I was a single mother and work prevented me from attending all of the many “revival” nights at the church I attended at the time. 

There’s been plenty of good times, like when I have witnessed actual miracles- like the man that was wheelchair bound that got up and walked during a service and never went back to his chair, which happened many years ago back at my church in Oregon.   I’ve cried tears of joy for my friends and for myself when we’ve felt the spirit move.  

However, more recently, I have felt disappointed and angry when leaders have not addressed important issues properly (or at all) that were happening in the world such as the civil unrest and the global pandemic in 2020, the attack on the U.S. Capitol in 2021, or the more recent illegal immigration arrests in our country.  It seems that leadership has made these issues pollical, rather than personal to us all, so they decided to keep “safe” by just not saying anything at all about it.  True enough, some have made statements on social media, which is good- and a positive step in the right direction, but, they have remained silent at the pulpit, which they know is where their voice is strongest.

I’m just going to have to spell this out clearly for you- I’m breaking up with you.  It’s been a good run. I’ve learned so much about myself because of you and so much about the world as well. You have given me a sense of purpose over the years.  It’s just time for us to part.  The final straw for me was your response (or lack thereof) to the most recent events happening in our world. Donald Trump was elected President again in November, and much like when he was elected before, you have not said or done anything to show that you are against who he has shown himself to be or his policies.  He is a known racist, rapist, womanizer, child molester, financial crook- the list goes on and on – yet, you choose to ignore everything because of where you believe he stands on certain issues that you are against.

I guess the most important issue for you was abortion. You worried that if he wasn’t elected that more babies would be aborted. Sadly, you were duped. The politicians convinced you to vote on that one issue (maybe you were also super worried about homosexuals?!), so you did, and now we are here.  What is crazy is that the abortion issue isn’t even front and center for Trump. He manipulated you to think that it was important to him- even to get you to believe he was actually a Christian.  Yet, since he’s been elected, his administration has ended funding for many organizations that feed people around the world and in the U.S.  They shut down USAID and the reports show that thousands are literally dying or have died already due to this.  We have heard hundreds of horror stories about Trump’s immigration policies and procedures, which are certainly illegal and racist.  Somehow, you’ve been convinced to fight more for policies that protect the unborn than on the ones that protect all ages and stages in life. 

Trump also shut down diversity, equity, and inclusion related federal programs, which caused instant financial devastation to many families, including my own, as my husband lost his job surrounding it.  This has caused, not only  financial problems, but it will ultimately result in the backtracking of years of progress we had made as a country to leveling out the playing field for people of color, people with disabilities, and women.  In fact, he just decided to remove free admission for national parks for the MLK and Juneteenth holidays, swapping them out for free admission only on his birthday, instead.  The man is clearly racist, which has been reported for years, yet, similarly to everything else, you’ll say nothing about these recent events, as well.

Some of his top officials have also publicly stated they believe women should not be allowed to vote, that they should be homemakers rather than work.  It is a very scary and alarming situation for women right now, but you’ve also been silent on this issue. If I’m being honest, you have always thought less of women and only allowed women in certain leadership positions- rarely if ever- as lead pastors, so it’s not entirely surprising.

Trump has even allowed his crooked military leaders to shoot and kill people in boats in Venezuela with no evidence shown that the people were actually drug dealers, as alleged, yet, at the same time, he just pardoned a known drug lord that was to be imprisoned for many years because of the drug related crimes he was convicted of. Very contradictory, wouldn’t you agree?

Not to mention, you completely haven’t addressed the fact that, because of Trump’s inadequate (criminal?) response to Covid in 2020, the U.S. had one of the worst levels of deaths in the world.  I even remember your leaders not appropriately addressing mask usage in services, which I guess was because Fox news made it seem that wearing masks was a political agenda instead of something we could all do to help each other survive.

There’s just been too many bad things happening in the world that you have failed to address.  I know, no one is perfect, and you’ve tried your best.  I get it, you have a business to run, and there are certain things you just cannot say.  It’s just that I'm at a time in my life where I need to spend my valuable time in places that align with who I am and my own values. I also don’t need you to learn about Jesus.  I’ve seen too many teachers get up, with little to no Biblical/seminary education, yelling from the pulpit, and trying to teach me things out of the Bible that don’t align with how I read it and what I know about Jesus.  Are you all the same? Absolutely not. I will find another church someday, maybe. It is possible that I’ll find a new church that aligns with who I am as a person which openly addresses current problems in our world. 

I’m really thankful for my friends right now.  Breakups are always hard, and they are right beside me to help me through this one. You see, they love Jesus like I do, which makes it easier to see that I need them, and I don’t need you.

Before I go, I want to say thank you. Thank you for all of the good times- which were many.  I trust that you’ll be fine without me and I without you.  It’s ok, we’re both grown and we will be ok.  You can continue on your journey of trying your best to teach about Jesus.  Please try to not get caught up in the money, the fame, and all the things that come with growth. I just ask you to please reconsider how you address current events and not worry so much about losing people.  Jesus had a small group of followers for a reason.  People will fall off when the truth is really told.  Maybe my truth is different from yours, though, and that’s ok.  I know it’s time to move on because of this fact- that our truths do not align.  I will continue to learn about Jesus through his word, through preachers and teachers I find that align with it, and will continue on my own journey of becoming exactly who he needs me to be.  The holy spirit is with me, guiding me through this life experience, just as he has guided me all along.

Goodbye, dear Church.  I once loved you, but I love Jesus and myself more, so it’s sayonara for now.  Don’t call me- I’ll call you.