Choices, Choices

 I was recently asked to write my biography.  It was interesting to work on it and recall the most impactful moments of my life, the moments that formed me into who I am today.  I felt some shame and doubts as I was writing. Shame about the mistakes I had made that caused major life disruptions and course changes, and doubt about whether my life’s accomplishments were “important enough” to share with others.  Yes, I’ve accomplished some big things in life, but, like most people, I’ve also made some big mistakes. All of my choices -good and bad- have shaped me into the woman I am today.  The thing is, we all have a story that will end up being written in a bio or a eulogy about us one day.  If you had to rely on someone else to write your story, what are the aspects of your life that you’d like them to share?

If you were asked to write your biography today, which life events have made the most impact on you? Which relationships matter most to you? Are you happy with where your story currently stands?  Where do you hope it will end, and what will it take for you to try to create the life you want?  Of course, many things in life that dramatically impact us are out of our control, like an unfaithful spouse, the death of a child, or a serious health condition.  But the beautiful, wonderful thing about life is that some things are within our control- such as how we respond to our life circumstances.  We can make new choices each day to create positive outcomes.  If you do not like where your life has taken you so far, what choices can you make today that could positively impact your life?  For example, even though I became pregnant as a young, broke, college student, and subsequently became a single parent, I knew that if I finished my degree, I would be able to build a more financially secure life for my daughter and myself.  Would that mean that everything would be perfect and did that guarantee a financially secure life? Of course not, but it was a step in the right direction.  The little steps we take in life that lead us toward the right direction truly make all the difference.  Maybe it’s finally ending the toxic long-term relationship you’re in.  Maybe it’s forgiving an abusive relative (but that doesn’t mean you have to include them in your life!). 

There’s a story in the Bible, in John, chapter 4, about a woman who had an interaction that dramatically impacted her and changed the course of her life.  We do not know her name, but we know that she was a Samaritan, which was an ethnic group with which Jewish people did not associate.  She came up to draw water from a well where Jesus, a Jewish man, was resting and asked for a drink.   I imagine the shocked look on her face when, as scripture notes, she questioned why he would be asking her for a drink.  At one point in their conversation, Jesus tells her to go and get her husband. She then tells him that she does not have one.  Of course, he already knew this, and he tells her so.  He knows that she has had five husbands and the man she is living with isn’t even her husband. Jesus would ultimately tell her the good news- that he was the Messiah. He told her that it didn’t matter where you come from, but as long as you worship God in spirit and in truth, you will have eternal life with him.  The point of this story is to show that it doesn’t matter where you come from, or the choices you have made- good or bad- and it doesn’t matter where you choose to worship God, so long as you worship him with your whole being (this is a whole topic for a later post!).

We do not know what became of her after that.  What we do know is that she made a great impact on the world by making the choice to believe Jesus and to share his good news with others afterward.  It was a simple choice that made a dramatic impact.  We don’t hear about her again in scripture, but we know that moment had a highly positive impact on her.  Maybe if she had written her biography, she would have written that she had a tough life of simply trying to survive each day.  She then met Jesus, who offered unconditional love and forgiveness, and her life was never the same.  Her conversation with Jesus changed the trajectory of her life.  I would love to know what happened in her life after that, but I’m sure, though imperfect, it had improved.

My life has been full of ups and downs. I’ve made bad choices, and others have made choices that have negatively impacted my life. I have gone through childhood abuse and have been in other abusive relationships. Those were choices others made, which I will have to live with and work through the rest of my life.  All of these choices have led me in various directions, and have been difficult to deal with, but each time that I’ve decided to take a positive step/make a positive choice after a bad one (made by myself or others), my life has ultimately improved.  Of course, I can’t say that every positive choice we make will ensure an easy life.  That is not what I’m saying at all.  My life certainly has not been easy.  However, like the woman at the well, I have met Jesus. He’s told me about myself and told me that he still loves me and has a great purpose for my life. 

I challenge you today to write out your life story. Write down the most impactful events and relationships, and where they have taken you so far. Now, write down what you want to do next. What are your goals? How would you like your story to end up?  We know that we cannot control what happens in our lives, but we can control our actions and how we respond to events and to others.  What actions will you take next to help you get where you want to be?   

While we know that positive choices do not guarantee an easy life, if you stay focused on God and on loving others as you love yourself, no matter what happens, your personal story will end well.  You will have lived a life to be proud of.  God will be with you every step of the way- regardless -if you make good or bad choices.  The woman at the well represents all of us.  We all have a past- but, more importantly, we have a future.  Whatever your situation is, you can make choices each day that will help give you the personal biography that you’d be proud to share. 

My Breakup Letter to the Church

Disclaimer: I know a lot of wonderful people that go to church regularly and are even in leadership positions, who I would never want to hurt by any statements I make. This letter is a general statement on how I feel about “the church” right now, due to recent events, which is not a specific attack on any specific building or congregation.  The pastors that I personally know are very kind, caring people and truly want to make a positive difference.  

Maybe this resonates with you?  I wonder if I’m alone in these thoughts- but don’t believe that I am.  I hope that this piece is helpful to you- as that is why I share anything that I write. 

The bottom line for me is that we are all called to live like Christ- We are all called to love our neighbors as ourselves, give whenever asked (and even when not), and to read and follow God’s word.  Being a member of one church is not what we have been called to, though it gives comfort and a sense of purpose to many, which I acknowledge.  I realize this may be controversial to some, so hopefully you can hear my heart.  I just want better for us all. I want to be able to experience God’s kingdom on earth, which has been his plan for us all along- only if we allow it to happen.  My prayer for myself is that I can find a community again of believers that truly love the world like Jesus did, love their neighbors as themselves (you know, that conveniently forgotten commandment), and who boldly and compassionately stand for justice and mercy.

Dear Church,

It breaks my heart to write this.  I’ve spent my whole life loving you, but it is time to move on. I’ve given so much of my time in various capacities, teaching kids church, setting and cleaning up events, volunteering my time to teach adult classes. Valuable time that I could have spent with my own children or husband that I can never get back.  I’ve been the first to show up to help and the last to leave after an event or service.  I have even felt the sting of judgment from others when I was a single mother and work prevented me from attending all of the many “revival” nights at the church I attended at the time. 

There’s been plenty of good times, like when I have witnessed actual miracles- like the man that was wheelchair bound that got up and walked during a service and never went back to his chair, which happened many years ago back at my church in Oregon.   I’ve cried tears of joy for my friends and for myself when we’ve felt the spirit move.  

However, more recently, I have felt disappointed and angry when leaders have not addressed important issues properly (or at all) that were happening in the world such as the civil unrest and the global pandemic in 2020, the attack on the U.S. Capitol in 2021, or the more recent illegal immigration arrests in our country.  It seems that leadership has made these issues pollical, rather than personal to us all, so they decided to keep “safe” by just not saying anything at all about it.  True enough, some have made statements on social media, which is good- and a positive step in the right direction, but, they have remained silent at the pulpit, which they know is where their voice is strongest.

I’m just going to have to spell this out clearly for you- I’m breaking up with you.  It’s been a good run. I’ve learned so much about myself because of you and so much about the world as well. You have given me a sense of purpose over the years.  It’s just time for us to part.  The final straw for me was your response (or lack thereof) to the most recent events happening in our world. Donald Trump was elected President again in November, and much like when he was elected before, you have not said or done anything to show that you are against who he has shown himself to be or his policies.  He is a known racist, rapist, womanizer, child molester, financial crook- the list goes on and on – yet, you choose to ignore everything because of where you believe he stands on certain issues that you are against.

I guess the most important issue for you was abortion. You worried that if he wasn’t elected that more babies would be aborted. Sadly, you were duped. The politicians convinced you to vote on that one issue (maybe you were also super worried about homosexuals?!), so you did, and now we are here.  What is crazy is that the abortion issue isn’t even front and center for Trump. He manipulated you to think that it was important to him- even to get you to believe he was actually a Christian.  Yet, since he’s been elected, his administration has ended funding for many organizations that feed people around the world and in the U.S.  They shut down USAID and the reports show that thousands are literally dying or have died already due to this.  We have heard hundreds of horror stories about Trump’s immigration policies and procedures, which are certainly illegal and racist.  Somehow, you’ve been convinced to fight more for policies that protect the unborn than on the ones that protect all ages and stages in life. 

Trump also shut down diversity, equity, and inclusion related federal programs, which caused instant financial devastation to many families, including my own, as my husband lost his job surrounding it.  This has caused, not only  financial problems, but it will ultimately result in the backtracking of years of progress we had made as a country to leveling out the playing field for people of color, people with disabilities, and women.  In fact, he just decided to remove free admission for national parks for the MLK and Juneteenth holidays, swapping them out for free admission only on his birthday, instead.  The man is clearly racist, which has been reported for years, yet, similarly to everything else, you’ll say nothing about these recent events, as well.

Some of his top officials have also publicly stated they believe women should not be allowed to vote, that they should be homemakers rather than work.  It is a very scary and alarming situation for women right now, but you’ve also been silent on this issue. If I’m being honest, you have always thought less of women and only allowed women in certain leadership positions- rarely if ever- as lead pastors, so it’s not entirely surprising.

Trump has even allowed his crooked military leaders to shoot and kill people in boats in Venezuela with no evidence shown that the people were actually drug dealers, as alleged, yet, at the same time, he just pardoned a known drug lord that was to be imprisoned for many years because of the drug related crimes he was convicted of. Very contradictory, wouldn’t you agree?

Not to mention, you completely haven’t addressed the fact that, because of Trump’s inadequate (criminal?) response to Covid in 2020, the U.S. had one of the worst levels of deaths in the world.  I even remember your leaders not appropriately addressing mask usage in services, which I guess was because Fox news made it seem that wearing masks was a political agenda instead of something we could all do to help each other survive.

There’s just been too many bad things happening in the world that you have failed to address.  I know, no one is perfect, and you’ve tried your best.  I get it, you have a business to run, and there are certain things you just cannot say.  It’s just that I'm at a time in my life where I need to spend my valuable time in places that align with who I am and my own values. I also don’t need you to learn about Jesus.  I’ve seen too many teachers get up, with little to no Biblical/seminary education, yelling from the pulpit, and trying to teach me things out of the Bible that don’t align with how I read it and what I know about Jesus.  Are you all the same? Absolutely not. I will find another church someday, maybe. It is possible that I’ll find a new church that aligns with who I am as a person which openly addresses current problems in our world. 

I’m really thankful for my friends right now.  Breakups are always hard, and they are right beside me to help me through this one. You see, they love Jesus like I do, which makes it easier to see that I need them, and I don’t need you.

Before I go, I want to say thank you. Thank you for all of the good times- which were many.  I trust that you’ll be fine without me and I without you.  It’s ok, we’re both grown and we will be ok.  You can continue on your journey of trying your best to teach about Jesus.  Please try to not get caught up in the money, the fame, and all the things that come with growth. I just ask you to please reconsider how you address current events and not worry so much about losing people.  Jesus had a small group of followers for a reason.  People will fall off when the truth is really told.  Maybe my truth is different from yours, though, and that’s ok.  I know it’s time to move on because of this fact- that our truths do not align.  I will continue to learn about Jesus through his word, through preachers and teachers I find that align with it, and will continue on my own journey of becoming exactly who he needs me to be.  The holy spirit is with me, guiding me through this life experience, just as he has guided me all along.

Goodbye, dear Church.  I once loved you, but I love Jesus and myself more, so it’s sayonara for now.  Don’t call me- I’ll call you.