We all live in a yellow submarine

This past week, a crew of five wealthy passengers took a voyage on a small vessel- a submersible- named “Titan” to look at the wreckage of the Titanic, which is sitting on the bottom of the ocean.  Titan was unfortunately not properly built for the intensity and the pressure of the depth of the water, so it imploded.  All five passengers died.  This made national news and people went crazy over it on social media.  Many of the comments I saw were making fun of the voyagers for taking such a dangerous trip, as well as shaming them for spending their money on it.  There were also comments about the news focusing on these wealthy people and their tragedy as opposed to a ship carrying hundreds of immigrants that went missing right around the same time.  People felt as if the media was focused on the wrong thing. 

I did not say a word about it on my social media.  I am so far removed from either situation that I did not think it was my place to say anything, and, frankly, I was annoyed with seeing so many posts about it.  I do not enjoy being a part of “trendy” discussions, just for the sake of being trendy.  Alas, for some reason, I feel the need to share my thoughts here with those that are willing to spend the time to read my blog.  I guess I am being trendy now.  So, here goes.

First, regarding the media, we all know good and well that the media always focuses on what is most glamorous. Sadly, most people in the world would want to hear about billionaires taking a dangerous trip to the bottom of the ocean than what happened with a ship carrying hundreds of immigrants. It is fascinating to imagine what living like a billionaire would be like for most of us, so hearing their story was captivating for most of us. 

Second, regarding the fact that they took the dangerous trip in the first place, I say that it is all relative.  An adventurous billionaire’s trip to the bottom of the sea could equate to an adventurous poor man’s hiking trip on a steep trail to the top of a mountain. Both trips are dangerous and could result in death and would be affordable for that person.  How can we mock someone for being adventurous when most of us would love to have more adventure in our lives?  True enough, we might not want to explore the ocean in such a way, but that is exciting for a lot of people- to see and research the ocean and its contents.

Unfortunately, the submersible voyagers did not survive their adventure. I pray they were at least able to see the wreckage of the Titanic before their vessel imploded. Most of all, I am praying for the mother who let her 19-year-old son take the fateful trip. I know the sacrifice she made to allow him to go instead of herself, because he really wanted to go.  It may have been a life-long dream of hers to go, as well, but she sacrificed her own desires to do something special for her son.  It sadly ultimately resulted in his early death.  She will always live with this knowledge that it could have been her instead of him.  Any loving mother would always want to sacrifice themselves instead of their child. It is what we do as moms.  My heart goes out to her.  Not only did she lose her husband, but she lost her son, and it could have been her on that boat. 

With both terrible situations, we should show love and concern, as opposed to judgement and ridicule.  We all make choices for ourselves that may be dangerous at times and the choices are relative to our own situations.  You might decide to bungee jump, go white water rafting, or go skiing. All these activities, despite the safety mechanisms put in place for them, are dangerous to a certain degree.  You could potentially die from participating in any of these things. 

As I sit and think about what transpired over the last couple of weeks, I am praying for the families of the victims of both tragedies. I encourage you to do the same.  We are all out here just trying to live life the best way we know how.  Let’s give each other a break.

God's Plan

 

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.”- Prov 16: 3

It’s amazing to think of the various plans that I’ve made for my life that have wound up resulting in much different outcomes than I’ve expected.  After my trip to Africa as a teenager, I was convinced that God’s plan for my life was for me to be a counselor for children. I thought that meant I was either going to be an LPC or a school counselor. I would end up earning a master’s degree in 2009 in school counseling and worked as an elementary school counselor for two years.  I believed I was serving my “purpose” and walking in line with God’s will for my life. 

During that time, however, my husband and I became more and more dissatisfied with our living situation. Living as an interracial family in Central Oregon, where there were not many Black people at all, was not the most comfortable set up.  In fact, when I was in high school, we had maybe two Black students out of the entire student population.  It was frustrating having to deal with the stares and the subtlety racist comments on an almost daily basis.  My husband grew up in Alabama, and the first – and only- time he has ever been called the “n-word” was in my hometown.

We decided we wanted more for our family.  We wanted to raise our children in a culturally diverse environment, where there were more like-minded people. We wanted them to have more educational opportunities and to be able to see more of the world.  Most importantly, we wanted to move closer to my in-laws, who were very loving and supportive parents and grandparents.  Not to mention, we also wanted to move to an area where the cost of living was much more reasonable. We therefore decided to move to the South. 

In 2010, we ended up moving to North Carolina, which is where I received an offer. It was a great job- working for the federal government, but I simply just saw it as a “job” at that time, as I “knew” I would eventually return to school counseling.  I needed to move to the new State first, get my family settled, then learn about the credentialing requirements and work towards those.  However, after only a brief time of working in NC, I knew that I would not be able to return quickly to my prior profession, as the government work paid much better and was therefore best for my family.  My husband was still working on building up his career and working towards what he wanted to do, so it was the responsible thing for me to stay where I was.  I started feeling angry about the decision, and feeling as if I was not doing what God wanted me to do with my life.  Even though I made the choice to not return to counseling, I was resentful and blamed Mose.  After eight years of doing this work, which I felt was not my purpose, I decided that I wanted to look into going into leadership.  I applied for a competitive leadership development program at work.  I knew that if I did not make it into that program, I would return to school counseling, regardless of whether I would have to take a pay cut.  Long story short, I would be accepted into that program, which spearheaded my leadership journey.  I was promoted to a supervisor position within two years, and I was promoted again to be the office Director another three years later. 

I have never felt more fulfilled or happy than I do now in my current position.  I am able to be a positive leader each day. I look for opportunities to encourage our employees regularly, and make beneficial decisions for our office.  I use my counseling skills often.  I truly believe I am serving my purpose and in a place where I can use my skills to the utmost capacity.

You may be in a season where you do not feel as though you are serving your purpose.  It may be that you are on a stepping stone towards the ultimate plan for your life, so you are actually following the plan. It takes time to get where you want to be, so patience is key. One thing we need to always remember is that our purpose is actually to love and serve others (John 13:34).  Whenever we are doing these, we are serving our purpose.  We spend so much time worrying about what our “purpose” is and whether we are walking in it, but we fail to see that when we are fulfilling God’s primary tasks for us, that we are doing just that.  It looks different for each of us because we each have different skillsets and experiences that lead us in different directions, but there is no right or wrong way.  Let go of that guilt and worry, friends!  Stay the course and focus on building up your own personal skills.  You are heading down the right path towards what God has in store for you. 

He Came for Me- Part 2

I was very drunk at a party and was hanging out with a guy. I started to black out at certain points, but at some point, he took me to a back room and wanted to have sex.  I would tell him I didn’t want to because I knew that I wasn’t ready.  Even as I was very drunk, I knew that I did not want to have sex with someone that I just met.  I was going in and out of full consciousness and remember waking up in different rooms, where he was having sex with me.  I remember him whispering certain things to me while it was happening that people say during consensual sex and I remember feeling confused as to why he was saying those things, as if I was going along with what was happening. The night was mostly a blur, but the parts that were clear were traumatic. 

That experience made me realize that my “friends” would not always look out for me. Where were they that night? Why did they not come for me and get me away from him?  I had one friend that eventually called me that evening to check in on me and she took me to the hospital where they completed a rape kit. 

I slowed down attending parties after that, but, sadly, it still did not cause me to stop partying completely.  In fact, the next weekend, I ran into the same guy at a different party. He apparently had heard that I went to the hospital that night.  He walked up to me and asked me if I was ok and claimed that he thought I was “into it” and he did not think he forced me into anything I did not want to do.  I ended up not pressing charges against him because I was worried about having to see him at school or dealing with the aftermath of that at school.  He transferred to a different school the following year. 

I am certainly not saying that what happened to me was my fault. However, I do believe that I made very dangerous decisions that night, such as drinking far too much alcohol and leaving my friends, which put me in a vulnerable position. 

After that happened, I continued to make poor choices and my life continued on the downward spiral.  I got pregnant by a man I was dating.  After cancelling our wedding because he was cheating on me, I ended up breaking up with him and having to move back to Central Oregon to live with my parents. I lost a ton of weight because I was so depressed and working out all the time to avoid my thoughts.

But, then, Jesus came for me.  He was actually with me the entire time I was going through all of this. One day, for whatever reason, I realized that he was with me. He knew that I would experience all these things because of the choices I made.  Even though I felt far from God at that time, he was right beside me.  I was the lamb that ran away from the flock, and he came back to scoop me up.  I was important to him, even when I felt unloved and unimportant. I asked him for forgiveness, and I knew that I was forgiven.  I started going back to church and making healthier choices for my life. I enrolled in college classes at Oregon State- Cascades campus, got an apartment for myself and my daughter, and eventually finished my degree.  I was hired at the Boys & Girls Club and worked there during college, which felt like ministry every day. I loved the work I did there with those kids. I spent each day showing them God’s love through my actions and by being there for them each day.  It felt like a gift and an honor to work there while supporting myself and my daughter at the same time.

Have I continued to make bad decisions in my life after going through all of that?  Of course.  I have made uncountable mistakes in my life since that time.  After every mistake and rough patch, though, the crook of my Shepherd has grabbed my little stubborn neck and directed me back to safety.  He continues to come for me after each time I get myself into trouble. I trust that he will guide me back to safety because he said that he would.  The wiser I have become, the closer I have remained to him, and therefore I have made less serious mistakes.  If I keep my eyes on him, I will be less likely to stray.  In fact, I never want to feel the pain that I’ve felt each time I’ve made life altering mistakes in my life again. I would like to just remain comfortable, stay with the flock, with Jesus, and stay away from the trouble.  I will continue to do my best and do just that.  However, I know that if I fall again, he will be right there to scoop me up.  

Friends, I am not special or any different from you.  We all make choices that hurt us and sometimes even alter our lives completely- or we are negatively affected by other’s choices.  Jesus wants us to know that he is with us, even in the darkest times of our lives.  He is there, waiting to take your hand and help you walk away from it.  To walk you back into safety and security.  Will you let God scoop you up?