It has been 19 years since we’ve known each other. I will never forget the first time I met her. Mose invited me home to meet his family when we were dating. She was welcoming but guarded- understandably. I was nervous and excited. I knew that Mose and I really cared about each other on a deep level and that we were serious about our relationship by that point, even though we had only been together a few months. As we were all relaxing on the sofa one evening, just the three of us, we started talking about the future. I mentioned that he and I would still be together (I can’t recall exactly what we were talking about). I was insinuating how serious we felt about each other at that point. She quickly- and I mean quickly- told me that he and I were friends and still getting to know each other. In so many words, she was telling me to calm down and not rush anything. I was slightly offended in that moment, but I also understood where she was coming from. She didn’t know me at all. She was also not ready to let go of her baby. I am also the only white woman my husband has been with, so there was that, as well.
You may be wondering why I would mention such a thing. There are a lot of white people, I believe,
that choose to ignore people’s skin color, acting like that is the best way to
not be “racist.” Remember the whole “love sees no color” movement in the 90s? The
movement stemmed from that idea- that if we really loved each other, we would
not see skin color. I am here to tell
you that is not love. If we choose to ignore
that aspect of people, we are choosing to not see ALL of who they are- all of whom
God created them to be. For non-white
people, their skin color has helped shaped their entire existence and effects
their daily lives, so in what way does this show love to ignore that aspect of
them? We should love others for their entire, whole selves, which is exactly
how my in-laws have loved me from the start.
My MIL has taken time over to years to learn to trust me as
a person- most importantly to trust me to take care of her son. I had to prove that over time with my actions.
She and I have both understood this, but she has never demanded this from me in
a forceful way or shown any sort of distrust or dislike of me whatsoever. As a mother of a son, I whole heartedly
understand what she has done for me and how difficult it has been. As a mother of a Black son, I understand on an
even deeper level.
This world does not favor Black men. They are considered inhuman by many racist people
because of years of systemic racism, which continues to happen today. It is part of the reason why the jails are
overpopulated by them and why they are killed so often by the police and
others.
I know that my MIL gave her son to God and trusted that the
Lord would take care of him, which is all we mother’s can do. In that, she trusted me and has believed in
me to care for her son the way he deserves to be cared for. She has hoped that
I would provide a life for him that he would have lived had he married a Black
woman. A comfortable life, where he
could be himself in his own home and not have to prove himself constantly.
My MIL is one of the most giving, loving, funny, beautiful
people I know. She would truly give the
shirt off her back to help any of us in the family. She is quick to give advice and wisdom. She never
holds back with sharing what she knows, which is out of love. She always wants
the best for us. I am so thankful for
her and grateful that she opened her heart to me and has trusted me with her
son all these years. Today is her
birthday and I wanted to honor her by writing this post about her.
I love you, mom, and wishing you a very happy birthday today!
Thank you for opening your heart to me and for all that you have done for me
and our family.
