True Religion

 I listen to a lot of Audible books. I love to listen to them while I am driving and find it is a great way to pass the time while driving.  I listen to books on leadership, love and marriage, self-help books, and I love memoirs.  I enjoy listening to them, comparing my writing style, and learning writing techniques while I listen, as well as working on personal growth as I learn lessons from them.  I am currently listening to “Bamboozled by Jesus” by Yvonne Orji and it is great so far!  The last two books I listened to were “Counting the Cost” by Jill Duggar Dillard and “Unspeakable” by Jessica Willis Fischer.  I am intrigued by their stories.  Both women were raised in very large families where their parents practiced strict, cult-like, religious rules and their fathers were also abusive.  I am drawn to their stories because I was raised similarly.  I was the second oldest of 5 children, which was a large family compared to most families I knew at that time (and now!).  My parents also led us to believe and practice Christianity.  Although we were allowed to wear pants as girls (the Duggar girls could not), we were homeschooled for a few years, as the Duggar and Willis children were.  I think my parents thought at that time that the world’s education would corrupt our minds, which is why the Duggar and Willis children were also homeschooled.  Both families were musically inclined.  My dad is a brilliant guitarist.  He led worship at church while I was a child and would often play his guitar at the house. He never forced us- or even encouraged us- to play our own musical instruments, however.   While those seemingly positive attributes existed on the surface, just below the surface, both fathers of the Duggar and Willis families were abusive.  Mr. Duggar (Jim Bob) was abusive in his controlling and manipulation of his children.  He also essentially allowed his son Josh to continue in his deviant sexually abusive behavior by sweeping it under the rug throughout his life.  Toby Willis was physically, emotionally, and sexually abusive to his family.  Both were extremely religious- and yet also abusive. 

My dad was physically, emotionally, and sexually abusive - and religious.  He would yell and curse at my mom and at us and would often have fits of rage over the slightest things, such as seeing a messy room in the house or over one of us losing a toy on a vacation.  He cheated on my mom multiple times, even bringing me to a mistress's house one time.  He would touch me in inappropriate ways and pretend he was tickling or cuddling me. He pretended it was normal parental behavior and tricked my mom – and myself- into thinking the same.  I think he even tricked himself into believing it was normal or acceptable.

One would think that if you were raised this way you would be quick to get away from religion as an adult.  It seems that the Duggar children have all continued to follow Christianity, despite their upbringing; however, thankfully, the oldest daughters have left the beliefs of the IBLP cult their family followed.  After reading Jessica’s book, it seems she may have some anger towards it, and it is unclear (to me) if she still believes.  I can see how that would happen, given the way she was raised and how evil her dad was. 

The Bible says that true religion, the only religion that God accepts as pure, is to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep from being polluted by the world (James 1:27).  Whoa- hold up- I knew about the widow and orphan part, but that last part? We are actually supposed to keep ourselves from being polluted by the world?!  The last part of the verse is often ignored by a lot of Christians who want to live as if they will just be forgiven for everything, so they do whatever they want all the time. They push that grace aspect hard!  I will be honest; I was today years old when I realized this part of the verse was there. I always knew about the widows and orphans part, but the second part is key- and yet many of us have missed it.  I think it is easy for us to ignore it because we want to live like everyone else.  But we are called to be different.  

The Duggar and Willis families, and even my own family, took to heart the “being different” part of the verse (and many other verses in the Bible).  However, they missed a part of the equation- the relationship part.  We can only truly minister to widows and orphans and even try to live unpolluted from the world, out of relationship with Jesus.  It would be impossible to do any of these things completely and selflessly without that.  When children are raised with religion and without a relationship, they are starved of the true beauty and magnificence of God and what he brings to our lives if we choose to follow and serve him.  While my dad had religion in his heart, he did not have the relationship with Jesus that he thought he had.  If he had a pure relationship, he would have repented his evil ways and would have sought help.  He would have stopped and never abused another person again. Unfortunately, that was not the case with him.  I pray that he has found a true relationship with Jesus now, as that is what true freedom from sin - and the demons that attack us - is all about.

I am starting to change.  I am starting to see things differently.  I am bothered more by unrighteous things now than I ever have been.  It is not about trying to be perfect or being better than anyone. I simply want to please and honor God with my life.  I want my life to be an act of worship to him.  I want to worship him in spirit and in truth which means I want to live each day as a statement of worship.  It is not because I want to be perfect or have a fear of not being perfect, it is because I love him, revere him, and want to please him.  If we truly love God, this is what Christianity should look like.  Many of us, including myself, have gotten it wrong. This has led many others astray and away from God.  Why would anyone want to follow God or learn about him if all the Christians they know do all the same things they do and speak, and think the same?  We are called to be different.  The Duggar and Willis families stand out in this world because they are different.  Unfortunately, the parents in those families got caught up in other things and turned away from having a pure relationship with Jesus.  The world watched and assumed this would happen because the world does not understand Jesus as we as Christians (should) understand him.  Let’s be different.  Let’s truly follow Jesus and worship him by the way we live our lives. Others will start to be more curious and will want what we have.  If they don’t see it, they won’t want it, and we have missed the opportunity to show them who God is and what his love means for all of us.  I encourage you today to make the changes in your life that you need to so that you are living a life of worship.  Let’s do it together!

I love you all so much, but Jesus loves you exceedingly more.

Friend Request

 It has been almost three weeks since I’ve been on a social media strike. Over two weeks ago, I published my blog post and then deleted my Facebook and Instagram apps.  I saved my Twitter account, but only because that is the only site that doesn’t block me from posting my blog.  I don’t even know how to use it, to be honest, so I am not tempted to spend hours on it, anyway.  I decided to take a social media break because I am sick of having fake friendships.  I crave authentic relationships.  Friends and family who reach out to me outside of SM and whom I spend time with.  Coincidently, since I took this break, I have had to undergo surgery to remove a kidney stone and for kidney stent placement.  I had outpatient surgery on September 8 and was in a little pain afterward.  During my recovery time, it was wonderful to see that I have some friends and family members who care about me, as several of them have been checking on me and asking me to let them know if I need anything.  I feel loved!  This love from them feels real since it hasn’t been coming from social media posts.  Don’t get me wrong, there are a ton of people that I am “friends” with on social media that I love to keep in touch with and I’d hate to disconnect from them entirely.  However, it just doesn’t compare to real friendship.  I am proud to have some amazing friends- both virtually and in real life- but from here on out, I want to focus more on my real-life friendships, as those will always be more beneficial than SM connections. 

Social media has just been one huge distraction for me. I’ve spent countless hours reading about other people’s lives and seeing their pictures as if my seeing their posts- or them seeing mine- makes a difference in the world around me.  I have spent far too much time sharing (bragging maybe?) about my life with others, when I should be sharing photos and experiences with my true loved ones, instead.  I honestly feel like I’ve missed out on so much of life, especially when I’m at home with my family, because of being distracted by social media.  I feel a huge amount of guilt about how much time I’ve spent staring at my phone around my children, instead of focusing on them. How many lost opportunities have there been where we could have had a valuable conversation?  Also, I worry that my phone addiction has only modeled terrible habits for my children.  They have their phone addictions now, and I feel partially to blame. Thankfully, there are apps available that can help you limit your time on your phone, which I recently started using, such as Stay Free.  They will collect the amount of time you’ve spent and help you stay accountable.  When I see those hours, I tend to put my phone down more.  If you are also struggling with this, another suggestion would be to set time frames for yourself as to when you can be on social media. So, you might tell yourself that you can only be on it 1 hour per day, or maybe not past 9 p.m.

There are some benefits to social media.  One of the main ones, I would say, is to stay connected with others, especially those that you may not otherwise be in touch with, such as distant relatives and old friends from high school.  We can instantly share photos, personal accomplishments, and fun experiences with many people at once, which can also be great.  It’s just important to remember that these connections should not replace true connections and friendships.

It is time to work on myself and conquer my social media (and smartphone) addiction. Time is precious and I need to quit wasting it in this manner.  I want to write and spend time working on my craft, instead.  I need to work out, I want to read, spend time with my family, plant flowers, and be present. Does anyone else feel this way?  It’s honestly a little embarrassing to write about it but putting it out there helps me remain accountable to myself and to working on this.  I wonder how many others out there feel the same way. On the off chance that some of my blog readers feel the same, I thought I’d share this. I want to encourage you to do what you need to do to create a better life for yourself.  Even if that means going against the grain and doing things differently than everyone else.  I am taking a stand for real connectedness and less distractions from the true, good things in life, and I hope you do, too.  

Blue Zones

        I recently started watching a show on Netflix called “Live to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zones,” which is a documentary series about longevity of life and the study of centenarians around the world.  It is fascinating to me that in the United States, on average, people do not live to be 100 years old. In fact, the average life span here is 77 years old; whereas, in other places around the world, there are concentrations of people that are living to the age of 100.  These areas are referred to as Blue Zones. The show focuses on these areas and discusses the factors involved in longevity.  Of course, diet and exercise come into play, but what I found interesting is that a major factor in living a long life is having community and close connection to others.  Okinawa, Japan is a place where they have a high concentration of centenarians.  The elderly there are greatly cared for and stay in community with the young people and with one another.  They regularly meet for meals and social gatherings and look out for each other.  In Hebrews chapter 10, the Bible says we should think about how we should encourage each other toward love and good deeds.  The author goes on to say we should not give up meeting together as a part of this encouragement. 

I am not trying to be Negative Nancy here, but doesn’t it seem like sometimes that we have given up on meeting together? I believe a huge reason for this is because social media causes us to believe we are connecting with others, so we tend to not spend much physical time together.  I am happy to know of several groups of people around my city that gather together regularly, such as the Fayetteville Running Club, for example.  Of course, we gather together as church attendees weekly, and some of us regularly meet in “small groups” where we connect on a deeper level with our church friends. 

It is too easy to be self-centered in this world and only focus on the life we are individually living.  It’s easy to neglect others outside of our own household and plan times to get together and connect with them.  Perhaps we are living shorter lives in the U.S. because of this lack of connection. The research is certainly pointing in this direction.  God wanted us to know this, as well, by having this letter to the Hebrew church included in the Bible. There are so many practical applications of the Bible that we should be paying attention to, and this is definitely one of them.  I am personally going to work on this because I want to live a long, happy life! One step that I am going to take today is to take a break from social media. I regularly take them, as I often feel the need to disconnect from Facebook and Instagram because of the fake social connection that it brings.  I want to actually connect with my friends and family.  If you are a close friend or family member reading this, let’s connect soon!

I love you all.