Guardrails

Marriage is fun!  It is great having a partner in life, to experience everything with, to teach you about love, and to teach you about yourself.  Marriage is also work. It is hard! It is more difficult than most would imagine and more than most choose to deal with, which is why at least half of all marriages fail.  We generally do not want to put in the work that is required and we struggle with the selflessness that is involved.  A tool to use to protect and fight for your marriage, as well as for any other serious relationship, is the concept of setting up guardrails.  By definition, a guardrail is “a rail that prevents people from falling off or being hit by something” (Google).  We have guardrails on highways where there are steep ravines and sharp curves, to prevent disaster, so why do we not do the same for our relationships?

It is important to have guardrails in place in any relationship, but especially when you are married.  An anonymous source quoted online: “Guardrails: No one needs until they do.”   In relationships, these are the boundaries we put in place to protect our relationship from getting damaged.  They can look different in every relationship but a general example of one is not having any alone time with a person of the opposite sex of whom you are not related.  This means, you choose not to ride alone in a car, go out to eat, or do any other kind of leisurely type of activity with the opposite sex.

As I sit and think about this concept, I am wondering if this is something only Christians talk about or incorporate into their relationships. Do non-Christians believe in and practice this? It would be interesting to take a poll – especially of friends of mine in long term relationships- regarding whether they have these sorts of boundaries for their relationship. 

Having guardrails in place has nothing to do with whether you trust your partner.  It has to do with protecting your spiritual connection and not letting any other spirits try to attack it. This is a deep concept that some people may not agree with or understand but I believe that we are all spirits that happen to have bodies covering us, which is in line with what the word of God says.  The battles we face in life are always spiritual.  The battle to have a loving, lasting marriage is no exception.  In fact, a Christian marriage, in which both partners have a close relationship with God, is especially concerning for the enemy of our souls. He wants to destroy this bond at any chance he can because these two souls together represent the love of God in its essence.

The enemy wants to destroy anything that represents or shows the true love of God so that the world cannot see it- cannot understand- and therefore, so the world will not follow God. 

In 1 Thessalonians (5:22), we read: “Abstain from all appearance of evil.” This can be conceived differently, and it is not like hanging out with someone from the opposite sex is necessarily “evil.” To better understand this verse, it is important to read the rest of the chapter, as it is a letter to the church, telling them how to live and how to be a good example to others.  Essentially, when we hang out with someone like this, aside from the most important issue of your partner possibly worrying about your connection with that person, one of the issues that can arise is that other people may see you and may assume that something inappropriate is happening between the two of you.  Why would you want to even have this be a thought in your spouse’s or in someone else’s mind?  You may be thinking to yourself, why should I worry so much about what other people think?  As Christians, it is important to know that you are to be set apart from the world and that others are watching your example- or lack thereof.  Whether you like it or not, people notice how you are living your life and they judge your character. They may not choose to want to get to know God because of how you act. It is more serious than what some people may try to make you believe. 

Another aspect to consider regarding the concept of guardrails is that you really just want to keep yourself from any possibility of inappropriate conversations or actions on the other person’s part. You can control your own actions, but you, of course, cannot control anyone else’s actions.  So, why even put yourself- and ultimately your spouse- in potential danger? 

All in all, it is just simply a good idea to establish guardrails in your relationship if you want to keep it strong and healthy.  I encourage you to sit down with your spouse and determine what they will look like for your partnership, as they will look different for every couple since every individual has different needs and desires. Once you set them and keep them, you are guaranteed to be much more protected- and you can avoid experiencing relationship ending pain.