Today is apparently the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. It is interesting that I have been thinking this morning about violent acts done against others and why it happens.
I've thought a lot about and wondered about how it is that human nature can be both so incredibly beautiful and so disgustingly evil and ugly. God was really not kidding when he decided to give us free will and we humans ran with it. We ran and many of us never looked back at him.
I watched the movie 12 Years A Slave this weekend and I wondered while I watched it why God let slavery happen. I wonder if others thought the same while they watched it. Why would a loving and merciful God allow such despicable things to happen to others? It's not that he allowed it. It's just that he gave us that free will to choose him or to not. Clearly the slave owners chose the latter. In fact, if it were not for God and the love and mercy that only exists because of him, this horrible institution would likely still be legal today.
This makes me think about my own life and my own struggle. Of course, not very many life experiences can compare to the evilness and horridness of being enslaved, so I'm not saying that my life experience is similar. I am referring to the fact that human nature and free will or choice is what has caused me to go through what I have.
We all have choices to make every day. My father chose to abuse my siblings and I, and his choices changed the course of our lives forever. Some of the things we went through I will never forget. Thankfully, my memory has let go of many things. I wonder what kind of people we would be today if he would have chose differently. I wonder what our entire family would be like.
I do know that he made a choice and now I have a choice to decide what to do with my pain. Do I become depressed and cause misery to myself and others? Or, do I choose to find the good in others and help others that have gone through similar experiences? I choose the latter. God did not allow me to go through what I did. He never intended for me to be hurt. He loves me with a love that I cannot even comprehend and he saved me from my abuse. For that, I am eternally grateful and I will not be ashamed to serve him.
Monday, November 25, 2013
Monday, November 18, 2013
In All the Wrong Places
I have made some really dumb choices in my life. Most of my biggest mistakes have involved my love life. I once dated this guy named Frank. Ok, I've never truly dated a guy named "Frank", but for the sake of this life lesson I'm about to share, and for the sake of the real guy's life- to avoid having my biker family members hunt him down after this- I've given him a new name.
Frank was a charmer at first. He had a huge smile and he seemed to be very interested in the person that I was. He was also interested in being a daddy, it seemed. He was a wild land firefighter (fighting forest fires only) and he seemed to know a lot of people that lived in my hometown. So, for this single momma, at the time, he seemed like a real catch.
Pretty soon after starting to date this guy, I realized he had a bit of a lying problem. He would lie about stupid little things that I couldn't really pin point what exactly the lie was. I just knew that he had told a lie. He lied about his family, about money; really about anything he wanted to. It took me a little while to realize that he was a liar so I gave him a chance at first. However, a real doozy of a lie hit one time that I just could not shake.
One day I was working hard on a paper at my apartment. I was a mom, a full time student and I worked full time at the Boys & Girls Club at the time as well. I was taking 21 credits that term, and for those of you that have taken college classes, you know that is a very full load; especially considering the other obligations in my life. So, I was working on a paper and I was stressing about finishing it. I don't know what started it, but he decided to make fun of me for stressing out. That upset me because this man had no idea how hard I was working in life in general. During the argument, he told me that when he attended the University of Oregon, he took 70 credits per term. Really?! This was a lie that I could not let go. I argued with him about the impossibility of such a thing and he maintained his lie. I told him that I wanted to see his transcripts and his diploma and he said he would show me "sometime." A few days later, Frank "accidently" left a fake diploma out for me to find. It almost makes me laugh thinking about it, because it is just so crazy.
It was not long after that argument and after finding the "diploma" that I decided to officially investigate the situation. Every hurt woman knows how to become a private investigator. I had already earned my PI wings after dealing with Harmony's dad- but that's another blog entry. I called the U of O's registrar's office. Thankfully a woman answered the line, so I could speak with her "woman to woman." I explained that I needed to verify whether my boyfriend attended there. At first, she said that she couldn't tell me due to privacy issues. I explained my situation and that I needed to verify whether he was lying. She then told me that he had never attended that school.
I confronted Frank about this shortly thereafter. It was also around the same time that I realized he had stolen about $400 dollars from my bank account to pay for his cell phone. Can you believe that? Stealing money from a broke, single mother who is working her butt off to make a better life for herself and her child? It blows my mind as I sit here and think about it. Anyway, I confronted him about both issues and he became so angry that he took the Christmas presents from under the tree that he had bought Harmony and I and left me. He tried to pick me up and acted like he was going to throw me, and that is the closest I've come to a man trying to physically hurt me like that. Thankfully, he changed his mind and set me down. That is when he took the presents and left. Of course, about a month later, Frank decided he wanted me back and he begged me to let him back into my life. Thankfully, I was at least wise enough to not agree to that and he eventually stopped and moved back to California (I believe). I truly believe the man is sitting in a prison somewhere, as we speak.
I'm thankful that I got away from Frank and that I eventually found a great man that I married. I just wish I would have stopped dating Frank the minute I knew he was a liar. If my story can help one of my friends out there that is dating a liar, that is what I want to do, and that is why I shared this experience. If a man is lying about little things, then he is lying about much bigger, life altering things. Who has time for that?? Life is too precious and too short to spend any time with a liar.
Frank was a charmer at first. He had a huge smile and he seemed to be very interested in the person that I was. He was also interested in being a daddy, it seemed. He was a wild land firefighter (fighting forest fires only) and he seemed to know a lot of people that lived in my hometown. So, for this single momma, at the time, he seemed like a real catch.
Pretty soon after starting to date this guy, I realized he had a bit of a lying problem. He would lie about stupid little things that I couldn't really pin point what exactly the lie was. I just knew that he had told a lie. He lied about his family, about money; really about anything he wanted to. It took me a little while to realize that he was a liar so I gave him a chance at first. However, a real doozy of a lie hit one time that I just could not shake.
One day I was working hard on a paper at my apartment. I was a mom, a full time student and I worked full time at the Boys & Girls Club at the time as well. I was taking 21 credits that term, and for those of you that have taken college classes, you know that is a very full load; especially considering the other obligations in my life. So, I was working on a paper and I was stressing about finishing it. I don't know what started it, but he decided to make fun of me for stressing out. That upset me because this man had no idea how hard I was working in life in general. During the argument, he told me that when he attended the University of Oregon, he took 70 credits per term. Really?! This was a lie that I could not let go. I argued with him about the impossibility of such a thing and he maintained his lie. I told him that I wanted to see his transcripts and his diploma and he said he would show me "sometime." A few days later, Frank "accidently" left a fake diploma out for me to find. It almost makes me laugh thinking about it, because it is just so crazy.
It was not long after that argument and after finding the "diploma" that I decided to officially investigate the situation. Every hurt woman knows how to become a private investigator. I had already earned my PI wings after dealing with Harmony's dad- but that's another blog entry. I called the U of O's registrar's office. Thankfully a woman answered the line, so I could speak with her "woman to woman." I explained that I needed to verify whether my boyfriend attended there. At first, she said that she couldn't tell me due to privacy issues. I explained my situation and that I needed to verify whether he was lying. She then told me that he had never attended that school.
I confronted Frank about this shortly thereafter. It was also around the same time that I realized he had stolen about $400 dollars from my bank account to pay for his cell phone. Can you believe that? Stealing money from a broke, single mother who is working her butt off to make a better life for herself and her child? It blows my mind as I sit here and think about it. Anyway, I confronted him about both issues and he became so angry that he took the Christmas presents from under the tree that he had bought Harmony and I and left me. He tried to pick me up and acted like he was going to throw me, and that is the closest I've come to a man trying to physically hurt me like that. Thankfully, he changed his mind and set me down. That is when he took the presents and left. Of course, about a month later, Frank decided he wanted me back and he begged me to let him back into my life. Thankfully, I was at least wise enough to not agree to that and he eventually stopped and moved back to California (I believe). I truly believe the man is sitting in a prison somewhere, as we speak.
I'm thankful that I got away from Frank and that I eventually found a great man that I married. I just wish I would have stopped dating Frank the minute I knew he was a liar. If my story can help one of my friends out there that is dating a liar, that is what I want to do, and that is why I shared this experience. If a man is lying about little things, then he is lying about much bigger, life altering things. Who has time for that?? Life is too precious and too short to spend any time with a liar.
Monday, November 11, 2013
Shoulder Taps
During the last few miles of my marathon, I struggled. I was mentally exhausted more than anything, because I had just spent the last few hours pushing through hills and I just did not have it in me to run any more hills. I was starting to give up and I just wanted to finish. I had trained for this for the last several months, running several times during the week and consistently every Sunday with Zina for my long runs, and we had practiced on hills many times. It's not like I wasn't prepared. It goes to show how much of a mental battle that running really is.
Just as I started to walk a little bit during the last mile (I know, sounds crazy because I was almost done), a man that I've never met before came running up behind me and he tapped me on the shoulder. He said "you can do this." It was his words that helped push me to start running again and to finish strong.
I want to share this experience because we do not truly understand how powerful encouraging words can be. We can get so busy in our own lives that we don't take the time to encourage those around us that are working hard to accomplish their goals.
If I wouldn't have had many "shoulder taps" throughout my life, I don't think I would be where I am now. I don't think I would have survived being a single mom that continued with her education and eventually earned a Master's degree. I don't think I would have survived many other hardships I've endured. We should all take the time out of our busy lives to tap someone on the shoulder each day and encourage him or her to keep going. We all are struggling in this life together and we can all finish strong together if we can take the focus off of ourselves for a moment.
Just as I started to walk a little bit during the last mile (I know, sounds crazy because I was almost done), a man that I've never met before came running up behind me and he tapped me on the shoulder. He said "you can do this." It was his words that helped push me to start running again and to finish strong.
I want to share this experience because we do not truly understand how powerful encouraging words can be. We can get so busy in our own lives that we don't take the time to encourage those around us that are working hard to accomplish their goals.
If I wouldn't have had many "shoulder taps" throughout my life, I don't think I would be where I am now. I don't think I would have survived being a single mom that continued with her education and eventually earned a Master's degree. I don't think I would have survived many other hardships I've endured. We should all take the time out of our busy lives to tap someone on the shoulder each day and encourage him or her to keep going. We all are struggling in this life together and we can all finish strong together if we can take the focus off of ourselves for a moment.
Monday, November 4, 2013
Marathon Girl
I ran in my second marathon yesterday in Raleigh. The race started at 7:00 and it was very chilly in the morning. I was very thankful I purchased hand warmers prior to that, and they were helpful. My running/training partner Zina was running late and very nervous and on the verge of tears. It was exciting to be there with her, since it was her first marathon ever. I told her early on that she could ditch me whenever she wanted to, cause it was her race. After I stopped to use a porta potty, it was not long after that she decided to ditch this slow girl. I will admit, I have improved on my speed over the last few months, but I was still averaging about 10.5 to 11 minutes miles, and she was trying to go faster, which was completely fine. I brought music along, just in case she decided to do that, and just in case I couldn't find another runner to talk to. I like to chat during these things.
Running is, for obvious reasons, a kind of lonely sport. I run alone most of the time, and I only get to run with a partner about once a week. I love to chat while I'm running, especially during my long runs, since it helps me forget about the distance. After Zina went on ahead, and after my small talk attempts with a few people around me failed (some runners do not like to talk at all and I am kind of a dork, too), I put on my tunes.
After a little bit, I started chatting with a lady and we got to talking about running. She said she liked to chat to forget about the distance as well, so I told her that I would talk with her while she finished her half marathon. She was 63 years old and had been running for the last 30 years or so. I love to meet older runners because I hope to run well into my older years. I know that if I take it easy and not over do it, I should be able to.
When running a marathon distance, 26.2 miles, the first 5 miles are pretty tough for me. I fight my brain for most of the first 5 miles because it wants me to stop. After that, the next 5 to 10 miles are relatively easy. My mind is set that I will be doing this for a while, so it might get used to it. Then, from 10 miles to 20 miles, it's typically another mental battle for me. I have to make sure I'm well hydrated and that I'm eating especially during this time. However, I constantly tell myself that if I can just get to 20 miles, I will be able to do all 26 (.2!). I pray a lot from around 19 miles to 26 miles that God will help me push through these last few miles and I also visualize my finish. During this race, my family was waiting at a spectator location, holding creative signs that Harmony made, at about mile 19, and it was perfect timing. It was just what I needed to push me through those last few, hilly miles.
As I sit here today, I feel sore and I wonder how soon my body will recover in order for me to start back training again for my next race. I accomplished my goal of running this one under 5 hours, so I'm feeling great about that. However, it's never about my speed; it's always more about pushing through those thoughts of wanting to quit. Every mile I complete is proof of the mental battle I won. Completing a marathon is like winning a mental war. It feels good to be a warrior.
Running is, for obvious reasons, a kind of lonely sport. I run alone most of the time, and I only get to run with a partner about once a week. I love to chat while I'm running, especially during my long runs, since it helps me forget about the distance. After Zina went on ahead, and after my small talk attempts with a few people around me failed (some runners do not like to talk at all and I am kind of a dork, too), I put on my tunes.
After a little bit, I started chatting with a lady and we got to talking about running. She said she liked to chat to forget about the distance as well, so I told her that I would talk with her while she finished her half marathon. She was 63 years old and had been running for the last 30 years or so. I love to meet older runners because I hope to run well into my older years. I know that if I take it easy and not over do it, I should be able to.
When running a marathon distance, 26.2 miles, the first 5 miles are pretty tough for me. I fight my brain for most of the first 5 miles because it wants me to stop. After that, the next 5 to 10 miles are relatively easy. My mind is set that I will be doing this for a while, so it might get used to it. Then, from 10 miles to 20 miles, it's typically another mental battle for me. I have to make sure I'm well hydrated and that I'm eating especially during this time. However, I constantly tell myself that if I can just get to 20 miles, I will be able to do all 26 (.2!). I pray a lot from around 19 miles to 26 miles that God will help me push through these last few miles and I also visualize my finish. During this race, my family was waiting at a spectator location, holding creative signs that Harmony made, at about mile 19, and it was perfect timing. It was just what I needed to push me through those last few, hilly miles.
As I sit here today, I feel sore and I wonder how soon my body will recover in order for me to start back training again for my next race. I accomplished my goal of running this one under 5 hours, so I'm feeling great about that. However, it's never about my speed; it's always more about pushing through those thoughts of wanting to quit. Every mile I complete is proof of the mental battle I won. Completing a marathon is like winning a mental war. It feels good to be a warrior.
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