In All the Wrong Places

I have made some really dumb choices in my life.  Most of my biggest mistakes have involved my love life.  I once dated this guy named Frank.  Ok, I've never truly dated a guy named "Frank", but for the sake of this life lesson I'm about to share, and for the sake of the real guy's life- to avoid having my biker family members hunt him down after this- I've given him a new name. 

Frank was a charmer at first.  He had a huge smile and he seemed to be very interested in the person that I was.  He was also interested in being a daddy, it seemed.  He was a wild land firefighter (fighting forest fires only) and he seemed to know a lot of people that lived in my hometown.  So, for this single momma, at the time, he seemed like a real catch. 

Pretty soon after starting to date this guy, I realized he had a bit of a lying problem.  He would lie about stupid little things that I couldn't really pin point what exactly the lie was.  I just knew that he had told a lie.  He lied about his family, about money; really about anything he wanted to.  It took me a little while to realize that he was a liar so I gave him a chance at first. However, a real doozy of a lie hit one time that I just could not shake. 

One day I was working hard on a paper at my apartment.  I was a mom, a full time student and I worked full time at the Boys & Girls Club at the time as well.  I was taking 21 credits that term, and for those of you that have taken college classes, you know that is a very full load; especially considering the other obligations in my life.  So, I was working on a paper and I was stressing about finishing it.  I don't know what started it, but he decided to make fun of me for stressing out.  That upset me because this man had no idea how hard I was working in life in general.  During the argument, he told me that when he attended the University of Oregon, he took 70 credits per term.  Really?! This was a lie that I could not let go.  I argued with him about the impossibility of such a thing and he maintained his lie.  I told him that I wanted to see his transcripts and his diploma and he said he would show me "sometime." A few days later, Frank "accidently" left a fake diploma out for me to find.  It almost makes me laugh thinking about it, because it is just so crazy.

It was not long after that argument and after finding the "diploma" that I decided to officially investigate the situation.  Every hurt woman knows how to become a private investigator.  I had already earned my PI wings after dealing with Harmony's dad- but that's another blog entry.  I called the U of O's registrar's office.  Thankfully a woman answered the line, so I could speak with her "woman to woman."  I explained that I needed to verify whether my boyfriend attended there.  At first, she said that she couldn't tell me due to privacy issues.  I explained my situation and that I needed to verify whether he was lying.  She then told me that he had never attended that school.

I confronted Frank about this shortly thereafter.  It was also around the same time that I realized he had stolen about $400 dollars from my bank account to pay for his cell phone. Can you believe that? Stealing money from a broke, single mother who is working her butt off to make a better life for herself and her child?  It blows my mind as I sit here and think about it.  Anyway, I confronted him about both issues and he became so angry that he took the Christmas presents from under the tree that he had bought Harmony and I and left me.  He tried to pick me up and acted like he was going to throw me, and that is the closest I've come to a man trying to physically hurt me like that.  Thankfully, he changed his mind and set me down.  That is when he took the presents and left.  Of course, about a month later, Frank decided he wanted me back and he begged me to let him back into my life.  Thankfully, I was at least wise enough to not agree to that and he eventually stopped and moved back to California (I believe).  I truly believe the man is sitting in a prison somewhere, as we speak. 

I'm thankful that I got away from Frank and that I eventually found a great man that I married.  I just wish I would have stopped dating Frank the minute I knew he was a liar.  If my story can help one of my friends out there that is dating a liar, that is what I want to do, and that is why I shared this experience.  If a man is lying about little things, then he is lying about much bigger, life altering things.  Who has time for that?? Life is too precious and too short to spend any time with a liar.

Shoulder Taps

During the last few miles of my marathon, I struggled.  I was mentally exhausted more than anything, because I had just spent the last few hours pushing through hills and I just did not have it in me to run any more hills.  I was starting to give up and I just wanted to finish.  I had trained for this for the last several months, running several times during the week and consistently every Sunday with Zina for my long runs, and we had practiced on hills many times.  It's not like I wasn't prepared.  It goes to show how much of a mental battle that running really is. 

Just as I started to walk a little bit during the last mile (I know, sounds crazy because I was almost done), a man that I've never met before came running up behind me and he tapped me on the shoulder.  He said "you can do this."  It was his words that helped push me to start running again and to finish strong. 

I want to share this experience because we do not truly understand how powerful encouraging words can be.  We can get so busy in our own lives that we don't take the time to encourage those around us that are working hard to accomplish their goals. 

If I wouldn't have had many "shoulder taps" throughout my life, I don't think I would be where I am now.  I don't think I would have survived being a single mom that continued with her education and eventually earned a Master's degree.  I don't think I would have survived many other hardships I've endured.  We should all take the time out of our busy lives to tap someone on the shoulder each day and encourage him or her to keep going.  We all are struggling in this life together and we can all finish strong together if we can take the focus off of ourselves for a moment.

Marathon Girl

I ran in my second marathon yesterday in Raleigh.  The race started at 7:00 and it was very chilly in the morning.  I was very thankful I purchased hand warmers prior to that, and they were helpful.  My running/training partner Zina was running late and very nervous and on the verge of tears. It was exciting to be there with her, since it was her first marathon ever.  I told her early on that she could ditch me whenever she wanted to, cause it was her race.  After I stopped to use a porta potty, it was not long after that she decided to ditch this slow girl. I will admit, I have improved on my speed over the last few months, but I was still averaging about 10.5 to 11 minutes miles, and she was trying to go faster, which was completely fine.  I brought music along, just in case she decided to do that, and just in case I couldn't find another runner to talk to.  I like to chat during these things. 

Running is, for obvious reasons, a kind of lonely sport.  I run alone most of the time, and I only get to run with a partner about once a week.  I love to chat while I'm running, especially during my long runs, since it helps me forget about the distance. After Zina went on ahead, and after my small talk attempts with a few people around me failed (some runners do not like to talk at all and I am kind of a dork, too), I put on my tunes. 

After a little bit, I started chatting with a lady and we got to talking about running. She said she liked to chat to forget about the distance as well, so I told her that I would talk with her while she finished her half marathon.  She was 63 years old and had been running for the last 30 years or so.  I love to meet older runners because I hope to run well into my older years.  I know that if I take it easy and not over do it, I should be able to. 

When running a marathon distance, 26.2 miles, the first 5 miles are pretty tough for me.  I fight my brain for most of the first 5 miles because it wants me to stop.  After that, the next 5 to 10 miles are relatively easy.  My mind is set that I will be doing this for a while, so it might get used to it.  Then, from 10 miles to 20 miles, it's typically another mental battle for me.  I have to make sure I'm well hydrated and that I'm eating especially during this time.  However, I constantly tell myself that if I can just get to 20 miles, I will be able to do all 26 (.2!).  I pray a lot from around 19 miles to 26 miles that God will help me push through these last few miles and I also visualize my finish.  During this race, my family was waiting at a spectator location, holding creative signs that Harmony made, at about mile 19, and it was perfect timing.  It was just what I needed to push me through those last few, hilly miles. 

As I sit here today, I feel sore and I wonder how soon my body will recover in order for me to start back training again for my next race.  I accomplished my goal of running this one under 5 hours, so I'm feeling great about that.  However, it's never about my speed; it's always more about pushing through those thoughts of wanting to quit.  Every mile I complete is proof of the mental battle I won.  Completing a marathon is like winning a mental war.  It feels good to be a warrior.

Oregon Trip: Part III: God's Beautiful Creation

After the long run with my mom and Harmony following me on their horses, we went home and prepared for our next adventure of the day: a trip to Crater Lake.  Thankfully the government wasn't shut down that week, so we were able to visit this amazing landmark.  Crater Lake is the deepest lake in the U.S. and it was made after a volcano erupted, caused a huge crater, then filled with melted snow, essentially.  Because of the depth of the lake and the purity of the water, I'm completely guessing, this lake is unbelievably blue and beautiful.

When I lived in Central Oregon, I took for granted these amazing natural wonders that were placed all around me. As I was planning my trip, I realized that I missed the beautiful Central Oregon scenery, so I decided I wanted to go visit some of these places.

It is crazy how much in life we can take for granted.  We take so many people in our lives for granted and we also take the beautiful earth that God created for us for granted sometimes.  When we look at the beautiful world we live in, we should really be thinking about how much God loves us, because he created this world for us.  It is not a coincidence that we have gorgeous mountains and trees to look at.  All of the beautiful colors and sights around the world did not come by chance.  It is all for a reason.  Because of this, I want to spend each day in a meaningful way as much as possible and not waste any time, if I can help it.   I need to know what my reason for being in this big, beautiful world is.  Just as God knew the volcano would erupt someday to create Crater Lake, he knows what is erupting in my soul and what will come of it.  It is my job to stay faithful to him and follow his path.  In the proper time, something incredibly beautiful will be the end result.

Oregon Trip, Part II: City Running Vs. Country Running

Since I'm training for a marathon, I had a scheduled long run to do during my vacation in Oregon.  I needed to do at least 10 miles.  My mom loves to ride horses, so it was a perfect opportunity to spend time with her.  She and Harmony rode their horses along side of me while I jogged.  It was a beautiful and sunny Fall day in Central Oregon.  We could see the gorgeous buttes all around us, as well as all of the usual desert plants and rocks.  I couldn't help but compare my city running to this experience of running the country.  First, I must explain that I did not become serious about running until about two years ago, so I didn't spend very much time running in the country when I was growing up. 

There is beautiful scenery to see while running in both the city and country, depending on what kind of person you are.  I am the kind of person who sees beauty in architecture and in artwork that is painted on the outside of buildings.  I love to see stained glass windows on churches and old brick businesses and houses.  I imagine who might of lived in those old houses when they were first built and think about all that may have happened in order to keep that same building standing all of those years. 

While running in the country, you might get to run by a field full of cows chewing on their cud.  If you speak to them, they will turn their heads and acknowledge you, most of the time.  I was a little worried during a shorter run right before this one that I might see a cougar, since cougars are very prevalent in Central Oregon.  Just as I was thinking about what I might do if I saw one, I had to stop and wait for a heard of deer to pass by.  It was incredible!

In the city, you run by "tumble weaves" and in the country, you run by tumble weeds.  They are both a sight to see and they are both a little annoying.  If you are wondering about what a "tumble weave" is, just know that women of all ethnicities wear fake hair (yes, even white women).  Sometimes the hair breaks off at unexpected times or it just flies out of the garbage on a windy day.  That, my friends, is how "tumble weaves" end up flying around on the street.

Both while running in the city and the country I am free to think about whatever it is I want to, and I usually think about how blessed I am to be traveling with my legs in such a way that many people aren't able to do.  I always try to thank God while I'm running so that I never, ever take it for granted.  Regardless of whether I see annoying or beautiful things along the way.

Oregon Trip: Part 1 (The Car Miracle)

My trip to Oregon was truly wonderful.  I loved getting to see most of my family, several close friends and several beautiful natural sites.  It was a short trip, but I had a few very memorable experiences that I will be sharing with you over the next few posts.... 

So here goes.... (this one's for you, mom)....

After spending a fun night at my brother and sister-in-law's house in Portland after flying in on Friday night, we had gotten up early on Saturday morning.  My mom, sister, daughter and I were headed out to the soccer game of the daughter of one of my best friends.  Almost immediately after we started out on the trip from one side of Portland to the next, something underneath the van started rattling.  It sounded like the wheel was about to fall right off and roll down the steep hill we were climbing.  Like many women do (sorry to sound sexist), we stopped the van, got out, looked at the tires, thumped them with our little fingers (as if that was the most accurate diagnostic test) and got right back in the van to call a man--- my dad.  He instructed us to head directly to Les Schwab.  For all of my east coast friends, this is a tire store chain in Oregon in which you can expect for about three guys in tight blue pants and white shirts to come running-literally- out to you to fix whatever is going on with your vehicle.  It is a reliable shop, but, of course, you will pay a pretty penny for the tight pants, I mean, the service.

All joking aside, after calling the shop, we prayed.  We prayed that God would hold the car together until we arrived at the shop, which was a prayer that we said many times during my childhood years. Here is kind of what the prayer sounds like: God, please send your guardian angels to protect this piece of junk (no offense, mom) car and get us to safety!

By the time we arrived, the thumping and clunking was much louder.... BUT we made it. The guy in the tight blue pants and the white shirt said that the wheel was basically unattached from the wheel-holder-together-thingy- oh, the axle.  He could not believe we were able to drive for ANY distance under that condition.   

He didn't know about our guardian car angels, though.  They haven't let us down to this day.

An apology

I have an apology to make.  In my last post "120 years" I wrote that it took Noah 120 years to build the ark.  I have to admit that I came up with this number after reading a world famous preacher's (who shall remain nameless) statement in a book, in which he wrote that this was true.  I believed it because I read it.  Well... after a wonderful friend asked me how I came up with this number, I decided to read the chapters again that describe Noah's building of the ark and here is what I found (Genesis chapters 6 & 7): Noah was 500 years old when his sons were born and 600 years old when the flood came.  Thus, by the time of the flood and the completion of the ark, it had not actually been 120 years.  While I know the whole point of the last post was about faith, I do really want to point out that I was actually wrong about the 120 years part. 

I've been wrong about a lot of things in my life...  One thing that I've especially been wrong about is my lack of actual study of the Bible.  I have spent many years reading excerpts from the Bible, and reading or listening to others' interpretations of the Bible.  I am now 33 years old.  The time for the non-sense of a lack of spiritual maturity to study on my own needs to be over, dang it!! 

If you are my friend and you are reading this (and you are a Christian-- I realize many of my friends are non-Christians and may be reading this too--- please hold me accountable to this).  It's sad that I have to ask, but, seriously, hold me accountable to this wish of mine.  While it is crucial to have spiritual leaders in my life, it is equally crucial to be spiritually mature on my own.  No more pacifiers or learning permits for me.  It's about time to be a spiritual grown up, and be real in my faith and my walk with God.