Slammin Hoopties

It's funny how memories can come to you at random times.   We were driving the other day and I saw an entrance sign to a neighborhood, which reminded me of the time I rammed my car right into the entrance sign at the apartment building that I lived in when I was 21 years old.

I was driving around a very old car at the time and the brakes were going out.  My boyfriend at that time couldn't (wouldn't) help me fix the brakes and they had been increasingly become worse over the last several weeks.  Our daughter was a newborn at the time and I was working part-time and taking college classes.  I'm not sure why I didn't borrow money to fix the brakes, but, for whatever reason, I decided to keep driving that stupid car with the horrible brakes. 

That particular day, my brakes had turned for the worse.  I was headed home from work.  Our apartments were halfway down a hill and I had a quick decision to make. I could have either let my car keep going down the hill and risk hitting people or other cars or I could run right into the entrance sign at my apartment building and only possibly hurt myself (my baby wasn't with me in the car).  In an instant, I made the choice to run into the sign. 

My car was totaled and the sign was destroyed.  Thankfully, I wasn't hurt.  The apartment rental company wondered if I had been drunk, of course, but I had to let them know in a super embarrassed manner what had actually happened. 

It was not too long after that experience that I decided I had enough with that relationship. 

Looking back at this experience, I don't necessarily blame him for not helping me with the car.  I blame myself for getting into a position in which I relied on an unreliable man to help me with auto maintenance- a task I thought at that time was his responsibility. 

In thinking about this life lesson, it makes me really want to reach out to my single girlfriends and tell them to never, ever do what I did. 

God didn't just give me a sign that day that I needed to end that horrible relationship, he spared my life (and the lives of others) by providing a sign for me to use as a landing pad for my little hooptie.  Who says he doesn't have a sense of humor?!

Fierce and Fearless

I've always wanted to write a book.  I've loved reading since I was a young child and I've loved to write my own stories from a very young age as well.  It is a dream of mine to write a complete book someday, but the topic has not been given to me yet.  I would love to write as eloquently and beautifully as some of my fellow writing friends, but I know I have a ways to go in expressing myself in written form.

I've taken a break from my blog for a while, as you can tell.  I would love to tell you the reason is because I've been too busy, or that it hasn't been important to me. Well, actually I have been very busy, but this blogging task that I know I've been called to do, is very important.  The real reason that I've taken a break is because of fear.  I am afraid that people will critique my writing style and think that I'm not a good writer.  What if my grammar hasn't been perfect? I have also shared very private feelings and experiences and I became afraid of what my friends and family thought about it.  What if I offended someone who was directly involved somehow?  Mostly, I have been afraid of how I have come across.  I do not want to appear as though I think I am an expert.  In fact, I have so many weaknesses and most of the topics that I write about have been placed on my heart because they are things that I personally need to work on- just as much as anyone else. 

This causes me to think about the power of fear.  Fear- to a certain extent- can be healthy.  If we don't fear consequences, for instance, we will repeatedly make dangerous mistakes.  However, fear can also can be life altering and distracting from what our lives are really meant to be.  For instance, if I would have let the fear of raising a baby by myself control me after my daughter was born, I quite possibly might not have decided to continue going to college and complete my degree, despite the odds. If I would have let my fear of running a 26.2 mile long race control me, I would have never ran such a (crazy) distance and I would never known the strong feeling of accomplishment after I completed my first marathon. 

I'm thankful for this particular life lesson.  I can't let my fear control the mission that has been set for me.  I am responsible before the Lord in the end for what I have done with my life, not anyone else.  Regardless of what some people may think, there is at least one person that needs to hear what I have to share.  That is enough for me to know to press on. 

Perspective

Life is about perspective. 

One of the most resonant experiences that I have had to teach me about this was my trip to Africa in 1997.  Prior to arriving in Uganda, I prepared myself mentally for the poverty that I would see.  I pictured starving, sick people on the side of the road that I had seen on TV. I pictured the absolute worst circumstances.  When we got there, we certainly witnessed poverty to the extreme.  However, we also gained some perspective while there.  For instance, at first, I saw the mud huts and felt so bad for those living there, but towards the end of the trip, I started to see the houses according to how the people living there saw them-- average living circumstances.  I started to feel less sorry for the Africans and more sorry for myself.  I felt more sorry for my prideful, American self.  We were so spoiled as Americans, yet we constantly worried about money, clothes, about being outwardly beautiful-- all superficial things.  The widows and orphans that I met that lived in those mud homes were some of the most beautiful and rich people I have ever met.  They had such a great love for people and for the more important things in life and I learned that those things are so much more valuable than living in the ridiculously huge-way too spacious- homes we live in here. 

This also makes me think about my little boy.  He has been diagnosed with an eye disease for which there is not a cure and which doctors say will eventually cause total blindness.  I can choose to worry about his future or I can choose to think about the amazing research being done around the world to help with this disease.  I can choose to think about my big God that I serve that cares about even the little, tiny sparrows in the air and who has counted all of the grains of sand on the earth, and what HE WILL do for my son.  I also focus on all of the things that he will be able to accomplish- with or without his vision.

Our perspective in life will determine our life path.  If we are constantly negative, worried, pessimistic, all of those worries, negative and pessimistic thoughts will certainly come to fruition. However, if we are hopeful, faithful and optimistic, the fruit from that thinking will be plentiful in our lives. 

Facecrack

Have you ever noticed that the logo for Facebook is the word "Facebook" in all white. It is beaming and set in a sky blue background. It essentially looks like a cloud in the sky, or could it be like a god in the sky?

They say we spend our money, time, our energy on the things we value the most-or the things we worship. I don't think the master minds over at Facebook would have a problem with the fact that many of us worship the social networking site to a certain extent. 

I personally plan to "worship" Facebook less this year and spend my time and energy on the much more valuable things, activities and people in my life. Of course, no offense to the many friends I have that never contact me in person but often on FB.  I mean no offense, and I love to keep in touch with all of these great people but I do hope to have more personal,  human contact this year.

Who's with me?

I Second That Emotion

This is the time of year for reflections. I've been especially reflecting on my life and thinking about some of the things that I've learned this year.  I've learned some very important lessons from my children this year.  We have both a 4 year old and a 12 year old in our home, which essentially means I have two toddlers.  I have two young people in my home that have little control over their own emotions, which is completely developmentally appropriate for each of them, considering their respective ages.  I, on the other hand, have a hard time sometimes controlling my emotions while parenting them, but what's my excuse?

I've especially learned this year that I need to focus more on how I react to my children than on how they react to me or to life. They are learning how to handle "life" by watching me and by following the example I set. How I respond to "life" in front of my kids is what matters.  When my 12 year old loses her cool after I tell her she needs to clean her room,  do I lose my cool? Or should I lead by example,  and calmy explain that her room needs cleaned and follow that with lovingly,  but firmly, explaining the consequences of what will happen if she chooses not to follow the rules?

I make mistakes every day as a parent. Thankfully,  every day I get to wake up and try again to be a better mother than the day before.

It is an honor to parent these two little people.  I hope to send them out into this world as bigger and better contributors to it than I could ever have imagined.

One thing is for sure, my children have been my greatest teachers.  I am beyond blessed to be their momma.

The Human Spirit

I grew up adoring my grandmother.  She taught me some of the most important lessons in life. She taught us that when you go to Dairy Queen, your dessert should be eaten first because it's the best part of the meal.  She taught me that a lady should always wear lipstick.  

She also taught us that we should always give tithes and offerings to the church.  In fact, some of the most important lessons she has taught me has not been by the words that she has said, but through the life she has lead. For instance, I watched my grandmother serve at her church in all sorts of various capacities while I was growing up, and I knew that I wanted to grow up and serve others, just like her. 

My grandmother now has dementia.  She does not know who I am and she doesn't know most of her family members.  She has slowly faded away, both in body and in mind, over the last few years because of this horrible disease of which doctors cannot truly pinpoint what has caused it. 

Even though my grandmother's mind and body are fading away, her soul is not. 

The Bible has many verses that discuss the spirit within us (a.k.a. our souls).  Proverbs 20:17 says: The spirit of a man is the lamp of the Lord that sheds light on one's inmost being (NIV)."  Psalm 119:175: "Let my soul live and it shall praise you."  God is telling us that our bodies and souls are two separate beings, and my grandmother is proof of this. 

On Thanksgiving day, my family stood in a circle in order to pray for a blessing over the meal.  After my dad said a simple prayer, my grandmother came right over to him and gave him a big hug. She couldn't speak, as she is unable to speak now, but she was truly so happy about the prayer and this was undeniable to everyone in the room.  I wasn't there to see it, but after hearing about it from my mom and grandpa, I had to share this.  Her soul was touched by the prayer, even though her mind and body could not express her feelings.

3 John 2 says: "Dear friend, I pray that you are in good health, just as your soul prospers." 

It is clear, as my grandmother's life is testimony to, that our bodies may not prosper, but our souls do.

Now, the question is, what will you do to feed your soul?

We must feed our souls by studying God's word daily, by prayer and, most importantly, by sharing God's love with others.  Because my grandmother was faithful in all of these things, her soul will prosper far beyond what her body could ever do.

 

Chicken Magic

When we were growing up we lived in a small suburban town in a regular house.  We did not have any amount of acreage at all, but that did not matter to my mom in terms of turning the backyard into a farm.  We had several chickens and two ducks for a while in our backyard.  I have no idea what the purpose of keeping the ducks was... My guess is that she used their droppings for fertilizer for her huge garden.  Other than that, I have no idea.  As for the chickens, we ate their eggs.  I remember heading out into the backyard to find the brown eggs that they laid.  It was like Easter year-round at our house!  

Don't call PETA and tell on us, but, one of the most amazing tricks that we did with the chickens was "hypnotization".  My brother "hypnotized" the chickens by doing some sort of rubbing on their chests.  The sensation made their bodies freeze (quite likely due to fear).  He could get them to lay on their backs and not move at all.  It was the funniest thing.  I will be honest, I was slightly afraid of those chickens, so most (all) of the tricks were performed by my oldest brother.

The hypnotizing was fun and hilarious, but another great trick was tying up the chickens and forcing them to pull our wagon, like we were on the Oregon Trail.  We used to play Oregon Trail a lot for some reason... I'm guessing we watched and read the Little House on the Prairie just a little too much.  The chickens wouldn't pull the wagon for long, but the fact that my brother could get them tied up for any amount of time was really quite amazing. 

I'm thankful for my fun siblings and for my hippie roots.  I wonder if my siblings and I would be the same creative people we are now if we didn't have some of the activities our parents provided for us in our childhood.  It makes me want to provide more "outside of the box" activities for my own children.  I don't think I'll go as far as to have chickens and ducks in my backyard..... but something cool, that doesn't involve a screen of some sort, nonetheless.