All American Marathon, 2015

I thought I'd share my experience of completing my 3rd marathon.

My training partner, Zina, and I started training together in January.  Since January, we have ran together almost every Sunday morning for our long training runs together.  We started with 8 miles and bumped up mileage each week.  The longest training run was 20 miles. 

As we lined up for the race, I looked around and noticed all sorts of kinds of people- young, old, every ethnicity, every body type.  I appreciated that moment because I had mostly trained by myself, aside from the long runs.  Running can be such a lonely sport, so most of us really enjoy the races, which are a time to join other like minded folks.  Within a few minutes of standing and waiting, just prior to the national anthem being sung, I met a woman that had an assistive dog with her.  We started to chat and I learned that she had metal in both of her legs after undergoing multiple surgeries after having been injured in the military.  She was a marathoner prior to being injured, and she was planning to walk the entire 26.2 miles!  Hearing her story made me want to cry and we hadn't even started the race. 

I love racing because of this reason.  There are countless stories of survival and

perseverance.  One of my favorite runners is named Ivan Castro.  He is a local marathoner that is completely blind.  He was almost killed in a blast, but survived.  His sight did not survive- but he still has completed multiple marathons and he continues to work as an active duty soldier- in recruitment.  Can you imagine trying to come up with an excuse of why not to join the military when you have a completely blind person- who runs marathons- right in front of you recruiting you? The government made a brilliant move by hiring him for that position.

 

Running in this marathon was tough.  I kept going, though, even when I was tired and sore and it was because of prayer and because I watched people pass me up.  I thought I should/could be just as "good" as them at running.  I was inspired by so many people that day. 

 

I also loved the fact that my family came to support me.  About every 5- or so- miles, my husband, father-in-law and son were there waiting to see me run by.  It was great- it meant so much to me.

 

Overall, this race was a wonderful experience.  It taught me that I must always keep pushing to meet my goals. It also taught me that there will always be others that have to work harder than I do, but still continue to persevere and succeed, despite the odds against them.  I have no excuse to not try hard and do my best. 

 

 

 

Pastor Dave

The depth of sadness I feel in this moment is almost unbearable.  I am going through the motions of life because I have to, but I am overwhelmed with grief at the same time over the loss of a dear friend who was like a father to me in so many ways. 

When the kids and I moved over here about 5 years ago, my husband couldn't come with us because he was still working in Oregon and looking for work over here.  My father in law was wonderful and came to stay with us for the first month, but after that, it was just the kids and I, and it was pretty stressful.  I had moved across county after living 30 years in Oregon, and without having any family or friends nearby. 

My heavenly father was looking out for me, though.  Our neighbors that lived right across the street- the Wedlock's- became like instant family to us.  Mr. Wedlock was here for us like a dad to me and grandpa to my kids and he looked out for us.  He would cut the grass and make sure that we were ok, while my husband was away.  After Mose moved back with us, Mr. Wedlock continued to look out for us- continued to help with the lawn- and he became "pastor Dave" to me and "papa" to my kids. I will never forget the moments when I would be out working in the yard in the heat and he would run over to give me some water.  I came to pastor Dave and Ms. Valerie for advice and let them know about the events going on in our lives, which they often were a part of.  I have baked many times for the Wedlock's because I love to bake and share what I have made.  He loved my cooking and that felt so good.  Pastor Dave also took many incredible pictures of my family for us and shared the prints with us often.  He was a man that touched many lives and he was constantly involved in service to others.  He was a true gift that was just taken away from us. 

I don't understand why we go through so much pain in this life sometimes. I don't understand why the best people have to leave this earth so early. 

I do know  that this life is just a speck of our true lives, since our real "lifetime" begins in the afterlife.  Pastor Dave is now living the life he worked so hard for on earth right now- in the actual presence of the Lord. 

The rest of us are hurting badly.  I can't wait to see my friend again someday and I will miss him terribly.  I'm thankful for getting the opportunity of knowing him and I hope to honor him by my actions through the rest of my life.  He would want that, I think.

Ridiculousness

It's a scary thing to open up your soul to the public.  You never know what people will think of you-- whether they know so much about you that they think you're being fake or dishonest--- or whether they know so little about you that they think you're being stuck up, ignorant or naive.

I've let my fear of this keep me from sharing my heart with you all, and I'm sorry for that.  I'm mostly sorry to my creator, since He is the one that asked me to write and share my story in the first place.

With that, I'd like to share something that has been on my heart lately...

I read way too much of the news.  I read it every day. There are incredibly sad, disappointing, ridiculous news stories that are posted every day; yet, I (like many Americans) continue to read them.  We do this, yet, we wonder why we have such a deep sense of hopelessnessin our culture.   We tell ourselves that times have changed- that the world we live in is so much worse for our children than it ever has been.  How can we think or feel this way and not have this transfer into our actions, the way we live each day and then not have that rub off onto our children? It's impossible.  If we truly believe that all hope is lost, that all hell has broken loose in this world, then our children will believe that too.  The vicious cycle of desperation will continue through the generations.

Instead, let's CHOOSE to see the beauty in this world! Let's not focus on all of these ridiculous news stories and this notion that the world is somehow much worse because people are suddenly more evil than ever before.  People have not really changed, but technology has changed.  We've always been messed up from the beginning of time.  Let's believe that there is always hope.  There is always hope, beauty, love, forgiveness-and salvation- available to those who choose it.  When we believe in such a way, it will transfer into how we live and our children will want- will choose- to live the same way.

Food Stamps

I wonder if people realize how embarrasing it can be to be poor. I mean, I wonder if people who have never been poor really understand that there are many people who are poor who feel extremely embarrassed to be poor. 

When you grow up poor, or even sometimes when you grow up in what is considered the lower-middle class bracket (i.e. "working class poor"), the feelings that come with it really never go away. 

My family struggled financially after my parents divorce.  I remember feeling VERY embarrased when I had to stand in the "poor kids" line in my school's cafeteria.  I knew that the kids standing in the other line knew that I received free lunch.  I would sometimes skip lunch because I was too embarrased to stand in that line.  I also wore horrible glasses, and I just "knew" that other kids knew I was wearing welfare glasses, so I was embarrased about wearing them too. 

When I became a single mom and was forced to use food stamps, I was VERY embarrased of having to use them.  I was ashamed when the cashiers would ask me what I would be using as my method of payment.  I was ashamed because I thought I would never be "poor" as an adult; yet, there I was, using government welfare services. 

Now that I am getting closer to mid-life (gulp), I am not poor at all.  I am not rich, but, in the perspective of how many people around the world live, I am not poor.  However, I still feel that sense of shame sometimes when I am talking with my peers- colleagues, friends, general associates, and it comes out of nowhere.  For instance, I was explaining to a coworker today about moving into a different part of town in order for my daughter to attend a certain high school.  After the conversation, I felt embarrassed that I told the coworker this, beause I thought that person probably sends his child to private school and so he might feel sorry for me now that he knows my child attends public school.

I could give many other examples of recent experiences in which I had no reason to feel ashamed or embarrased of my circumstances, but I still did.  I know it sounds crazy, but I thought I would share this, so that others would know the deep roots that poverty plants in people.  In other words, continue to be kind to everyone you come in contact with.

The next time you feel judgmental about the lady using the EBT card in the grocery store line, think about how she might feel about her circumstances.  I can assure you, she's not proud of them.

13 Years

It was around July 2000, during the end of my Sophomore year of college, when I found out that I was pregnant.  I had only been dating my boyfriend of the time for three months.  I was devastated.  Every negative emotion flooded through me: disbelief, anger, fear, sadness and disappointment.  I cried for most of the day on the day I found out.  I could not believe that Lyrica, the missionary girl who traveled to Africa and ministered to widows and orphans just a couple years prior, had become pregnant.  My life as I knew it would never be the same. 

I had a choice to make.  I remember thinking about abortion.  I thought that I could possibly just do what other young women my age were doing and end the pregnancy.  I could have just continued to live the life that I was living.  The thought of ending the life of my baby was too unbearable.  Every time that the possibility crossed my mind, I cried and I felt a quiet, whispering voice say to me: "She could be the President some day.... She could change this world." 

I knew that once I told my parents, that abortion would no longer be an option, as they have always been against it.  However, having to tell them was one of the worst moments of my life.  I was visiting them over the weekend and I sat on the end of their bed one night and cried as I told them that I was pregnant.  They cried with me- out of sheer disappointment- and I knew it.  I knew that they thought I was no longer the girl they thought I was.   However, I also knew that they were going to continue to love me and help me with whatever they could in raising my baby.

It was in that moment that I knew that I was going to continue to work extremely hard to accomplish my goals, despite the odds.  I also knew that I loved my baby and I was so thankful to have my parents' support.  However, I decided that if they could not help me, or if they ever decided not to help me, I was still going to do my best to raise my baby and provide a wonderful life for her.  I would just have to seek out every available resource in order to do so.

After my baby girl was born, I named her Harmony because I knew that she would bring Harmony to my life.  Despite my sin, God blessed me with this amazing miracle.  I didn't deserve to be given this gift, but God still gave her to me. 

At the moment I'm writing this, my little baby is about to turn 13 years old.  My life has been changed by this amazing girl and she has made a positive impact on many others' lives as well. 

I'm writing this to anyone out there that has this tough choice to make.  If you ever are in this position and need a listening ear, I'm here for you.  I've been there.  I know the pain.  I also know what to do to succeed, despite the odds.  God tells us that he knows us before we are even born.  I'm so thankful that he knew Harmony the second she was conceived. 

In fact, the voice that whispered to me over 13 years ago that she would change the world some day was right. 

Angels Are Scary

Some people will think that I'm crazy for writing this.  There are many people that choose to not believe in the supernatural, but I do because I've experienced having a spiritual, non-human being around me during my life-time on more than one occasion.

This is difficult to write about, but one of you reading this might need to read it today, so here you go..

When I was a child, my dad often sexually abused me at night time when I was asleep.  He would come into my room and lay with me in my bed.  One night, instead of my dad coming into the room, I saw an angel in my room standing and praying over me and my sister.  I was terrified of it.  I couldn't hardly look at it because I knew it was something that was very abnormal and that most people would never see.  I called my mom the other day to ask her about this incident and see if maybe it was her instead of an angel.  She told me that it may have been her, but that she did not remember.  I believe with everything that I am, even if it was my mother standing there, there was also a spiritual being there that was not of this world who was there to protect me. The abuse stopped shortly after that and my dad moved out.

Earlier this year I had another supernatural experience that I feel compelled to share.   I was on a morning jog and it was dark outside.  As I always do, when starting out the jog, I said a prayer for God to protect me.  After a bit, I was jogging along and heard a dog bark.  I didn't have headphones on, which I do not usually wear when I'm running in the dark due to safety precautions, but I still couldn't tell how close the dog was.  I felt fearful so I began to pray.  I prayed that God would immediately place a guardian angel beside me while I ran.  Within seconds, every hair on my head stood up and I FELT something beside me. I could not see it, but I knew that an angel was right there with me.

Some of you may never understand the depth of the love that God has for you, because you choose to not open your eyes to the world beyond the physical.  I have felt his love and protection throughout my life, so I get it.

Call me crazy, "unfriend" me if you want after this, but I had to share it with you.  God is real, and as my step-dad says, he knows your name and he wants to talk.

Slammin Hoopties

It's funny how memories can come to you at random times.   We were driving the other day and I saw an entrance sign to a neighborhood, which reminded me of the time I rammed my car right into the entrance sign at the apartment building that I lived in when I was 21 years old.

I was driving around a very old car at the time and the brakes were going out.  My boyfriend at that time couldn't (wouldn't) help me fix the brakes and they had been increasingly become worse over the last several weeks.  Our daughter was a newborn at the time and I was working part-time and taking college classes.  I'm not sure why I didn't borrow money to fix the brakes, but, for whatever reason, I decided to keep driving that stupid car with the horrible brakes. 

That particular day, my brakes had turned for the worse.  I was headed home from work.  Our apartments were halfway down a hill and I had a quick decision to make. I could have either let my car keep going down the hill and risk hitting people or other cars or I could run right into the entrance sign at my apartment building and only possibly hurt myself (my baby wasn't with me in the car).  In an instant, I made the choice to run into the sign. 

My car was totaled and the sign was destroyed.  Thankfully, I wasn't hurt.  The apartment rental company wondered if I had been drunk, of course, but I had to let them know in a super embarrassed manner what had actually happened. 

It was not too long after that experience that I decided I had enough with that relationship. 

Looking back at this experience, I don't necessarily blame him for not helping me with the car.  I blame myself for getting into a position in which I relied on an unreliable man to help me with auto maintenance- a task I thought at that time was his responsibility. 

In thinking about this life lesson, it makes me really want to reach out to my single girlfriends and tell them to never, ever do what I did. 

God didn't just give me a sign that day that I needed to end that horrible relationship, he spared my life (and the lives of others) by providing a sign for me to use as a landing pad for my little hooptie.  Who says he doesn't have a sense of humor?!