43

I celebrated my 43^rd birthday last week.  Birthdays are a great time to do a self-check to analyze where you have been, where you are, and where you are going.  I see birthdays as my own personal new year celebration and as a great time of reflection.  Each year, I set my personal and professional goals for the upcoming year and this year was no different.  This year was special, as I was in Washington DC with my husband.  I was able to spend time writing and reflecting while sitting near some of the beautiful national monuments and while surrounded by thousands of excited and inspired tourists and locals.  As I contemplated the years I have experienced so far, I realized there are certain things I have learned about life that mean the most to me that I would like to share.  Perhaps they will be helpful to you in your journey.

About Love-

Our culture is saturated with it in its various forms.  We can never have too much of it. We all seek it, and we are constantly looking for perfect love.  We often feel disappointed because the only perfect love that we will ever find comes from God.  Our friends, family, and romantic partners will always let us down- no matter what.  No matter how perfect you think you may have it in any given relationship, since not one person is perfect, the love we share between one another will never be.  It is a fact that many would like to pretend is not real.  As they pretend, they expect perfection daily from their loved ones, which causes huge problems and ultimately destroys many relationships. When we do not find what we are looking for, which is unattainable, we give up and we look for a different person with the hopes the new person will be able to meet our expectations.  The thing about perfect love is that it casts out fear, as God’s word tells us. Therefore, since we cannot find perfect love with others, there will always be fear in our relationships.  Once we trust the Lord with our relationships, we will be more likely to stay committed to them when it is appropriate to do so- not in cases of abuse or true toxicity.  Ultimately, what is most important, is to continuously work on ourselves and on self-improvement. Once we are better as individuals, our relationships will improve.

On Raising Kids-

We raise our kids according to how we were raised- either mirroring the ways we were parented, or by choosing to do things differently.  We expect ourselves to be perfect in parenting, but that also is unattainable.  We are too harsh on ourselves when we make mistakes and we make them often, so we tend to live in this perpetual state of hoping, wondering, and worrying that we are doing right by our children.  It does not have to be this way! We need to give ourselves so much more grace and forgiveness and really start to look at ourselves the way God does- with adoration and respect.  My own mother put it perfectly to me when I was pregnant at the young age of 20 and worried about how I would do as a mother.  She said, “As Paul McCartney once said, all you need is love.”  These were the best words of advice I could have ever had at that moment, and 23 years later, they still ring true. 

On Health-

It is such a struggle to stay healthy; especially to find a good balance of enjoying rich and tasty foods and still remaining healthy.  I have worried about my health and maintaining proper nutrition and exercise throughout much of my life.  At this point, I realize that it is truly a balance that we must find.  We cannot spend all day every day eating and drinking whatever we want and never exercise.  Our bodies need proper nutrition, exercise, and rest and we cannot have any of these if we eat and drink whatever we want.  At the same time, we should stop obsessing over food and our bodies to the point where we are consumed with worrying about whether we are doing enough.  It is all about finding a good balance. Eat rich, sweet, savory foods from time to time, but also eat fruits, vegetables, and legumes regularly.  Do not think you need to jog a marathon each month, but do try to spend at least 30 minutes, 4 to 5 times per week exercising.  Spend less time being distracted by meaningless things and more time on your own health, and you will enjoy a much longer, more wonderful life. 

Regarding Time-

It is very limited.  We live each day as if we have plenty of it, but it is never promised.  We are here for a blink of time, yet we waste so much of our lives doing meaningless things.  We should try to do at least one important thing each day, to make our time here count.  Of most importance is to love others.  It seems simple, but the truth is that we are here to show love to others and if we do that each day, we are living as God intended and in line with his will.  Love looks differently to each one of us, as I wrote above, but genuine love is putting others before yourself.  Showing love each day, even if it may seem uncomfortable to you in the moment, is crucial to our existence.  It is impossible for us to get it right each day, but if we strive for this, the world will be so much better, overall.

I encourage each of you to look at these aspects of life and do a self-check to determine where you are at in each area or to even understand what you believe about each one.  I can assure you that what you believe about these areas, as well as other important aspects of life, will determine the trajectory of your life.  I wish you all nothing but the best.  Here is to year 43! May I live fully, accomplish my goals, and, most importantly, may I love others the best way possible.